ER VS The Breaktime TemperTantrum
by evilspoofauthorCassi
Summary: this story will remain incomplete as Authors have lost interest in finishing it. Sorry everyone but our days as fans of ER are now long over. we watch the older stuff, but after Romano died it just killed the whole thing.
1. Another Psychotic Breakdown

"ER VS THE BREAKTIME TEMPER TANTRUM"  
By Cassi & Sven (evilspoofauthors 2&1)  
**********************************************************************  
  
For those of you who don't already know, the spoofauthors are major fans of Dr. Romano.  
Sure we like others, too, but Romano has been one of the favorites. If you've seen the  
recent episodes, than you know exactly what our problem is. We think it was stupid, evil  
and MEAN to kill him off after everything he went through last year. So, after we finally   
got around to watching the recent episodes.....we waited until after the funeral to watch the  
crash. Anyhow, when we saw the other people in the show, and how they were acting,   
Esp Pratt, Anspaugh, Weaver, and a bunch of Med students we REALLY wanna kill...we  
got mad and threw a big fit. For status, this takes place in the ER, BEFORE Lizzie sleeps  
with that Schmuck. We wanted to get them out before that. Carter and Kovac (the real  
ones, not the clones on the show) have returned from a Summer in the Sahara Desert, where  
they lived and worked with the Med-jai. They will return with Ardeth to help us wreak   
havok on the ER.....and they will look like Med-jais. Long hair, tan skin, black robes and   
tattooed faces. Joining us are as follows. Chris Mason, Pippin, Jack Sparrow, Lucy Knight,   
Freddy Krueger, Deb (another author who wanted to kill Dorset), Prince John, Julian, and  
the Evil Trio, Becca, Mid, Emmy and Silver.....um, I guess they're not a trio anymore. Also  
joining us will be Murdoc and Ryan.....who just wanted to "blow some things up."  
  
For the record, the Assistants and Assistant's Assistants include: (Cassi) Prince John,  
Freddy Krueger, Cosmo Renfro, Julian, and Haldir. (Haldir is explained in the beginning of  
the tantrum) Sven's--Jack Sparrow, Chris Mason, Lucy Knight, Nicky Pike(Jack's Asst.),  
King Dor, Luka Kovac(Lucy's Asst.), Pippin Took, Luis Ramone (Pippin's Asst) &   
Jumper(Dor's Asst).  
  
Romano and Lizzie are Assistants but they are working at County General when the spoof   
started.  
  
When this ends, we will be taking with us--Romano, Elizabeth, Susan Lewis, Shirley, Ella,   
Gallant, Jerry, Abby, Chuny, Randi, Yosh, Frank & Malik. Clones will be sent to replace   
the missing, and we will not be watching the show again. Romano's death was really the   
last straw with us, as Carter left after the whole breakup with Abby, and Kovac was long  
gone before that....then Chen married Dave, and hasn't been back since. So basically, the  
hospital is overrun by clones....run for your lives, save yourselves. (At least it's not  
killer ladybugs or radioactive mutant humming birds) So now that all that crap is out of the  
way, bring on the tantrum!  
  
**********************************************************************  
WARNING: Cassi and Sven have VERY short tempers. Do not get in the way of their evil  
wrath! DIE EVIL "ER" WRITTERS, DIE!!!!!!(stabs the TV set repeatedly) ahem...on with the  
story.  
**********************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER ONE: "ANOTHER PSYCHOTIC BREAKDOWN"  
*************************************************  
Once again, the spoofs were on break and Sven and Cassi were sitting at their home in   
Cassi's room watching the tape of ER. We'll note that they did not see the crash when   
it first came out. We waited for the funeral, as we'd heard way too many stories and were  
mildly upset about it.  
  
As they watched the scenes of the Memorial, Cassi glared at the screen and made a face.   
"I'm going to kill me some med students." She muttered under her breath.  
  
"I thought Susan was supposed to be there." Sven remarked. "Kathy said she was. I don't  
see her." **Kathy and her husband Jeff tape the show for us**  
  
"I don't see anyone there." Cassi grumbled. "This totally sucks. I was hoping they were  
wrong about him dying." **Yes, we knew about his death 2 months in advance thanks  
to the Rocket Sanctuary's spoilers. We were in denial, hoping it wouldn't happen.**  
  
Sven shook her head. "I'm bored." She spoke up, getting up from her chair. "How's about  
we go kill some people?"  
  
Cassi gave an evil grin. "Sounds like fun." She answered, rewinding the tape. "I have to  
go get my Assistant out of there anyhow. He's never going to believe this."  
  
"Guess that means he doesn't have a choice anymore." Sven pointed out. "I say we get  
the ones we want out and forget the stupid show.....and leave Weaver there."  
  
Cassi grinned. "Call up the Assistants." She replied, with a smirk.  
  
**********************************************************************  
FUN FACT: In 1930 Pluto was discovered........(pause) Not the dog, Stupid!! The PLANET!  
The dog wasn't discovered until 1938.  
**********************************************************************  
FUN FACT: In the movie "Two Towers" when Aragorn kicked the helmet and screamed,   
this was the fourth take of the shot and Aragorn was not acting when he screamed. He   
actually broke two toes in that scene.  
**********************************************************************  
  
In the Spoofset breakroom, the Assistants had gathered, with the exception of the ones who  
were working. In addition to them, were Carter, Ardeth, Becca, Emmy, Mid, Silver, Merry,  
Murdoc, and Ryan Gaerity.  
  
Silver grinned. "So what are we doing?" She asked excitedly. "More five year olds?!"  
  
"Eh....no." Freddy informed her. "This time we get to do FUN stuff!" He paused. "That   
means we're killing people."  
  
"Ooo, goodie." Carter annouced, bouncing in his chair. "I love killing people."  
  
"We know." Julian retorted, flatly.  
  
"You said we were going back to County." Kovac spoke up. "What happened?"  
  
Becca looked disappointed. "Awww, we're going THERE?! We got bored of there!"  
  
"That's why we're killing people." Sven told her. "We got very fed up with the place."  
  
"So whom exactly are we killing in this upcoming hospital massacare?" Haldir asked,   
pointedly. He was seated near Pippin and Sven, wearing tight jeans, and Tom Petty  
sunglasses. **For the record, we brought back Hal-Dear (call him Hal) after his crude   
murder in Two Towers, and we pretty much cracked him by making him watch spoofs  
for 15 hours in the breakroom, with Boramir and Faramir. Thus accounting for his weird outfit.  
He will come in at the beginning of whatever comes after Jurassic III**(It's a surprise)  
  
"I'm coming to that." Sven remarked, silencing him. "For those who didn't know, we made   
this handy video." She placed the video into the VCR.  
  
"Please restrain yourselves from chucking any sharp objects and or pointing any weapons   
at the screen.....Ryan." Cassi ordered. "It is not the television's fault it has to show these   
scenes."  
  
"Oh heaven's NO!" The television announced loudly. "I do not like this video, it is very   
bad!"  
  
Carter gave Ardeth a Look. "Hear that? That means the writers of our show made another  
huge mess of one of our lives." He proclaimed. "Who'd they maime for life this time? Was it  
Dr. Corday?"  
  
Sven made a grossed out face. "Only if you count sleeping with Dorkett as maimed for life."  
She retorted.  
  
All the people in the room made disgusted faces.   
  
"Who's Dorkett?" Hal asked, souding confused.  
  
"Ew..." Becca spat out. "I just ate." She turned to Hal. "You don't wanna know, let's just  
leave it at that."  
  
Freddy shivered. "Ugh. Sleeping with that guy would be worse than Jason in a pink dress."  
He muttered. "I would most definitely consider that maimed for life."  
  
"Gross!" Emmy cried. "You're NOT showing us THAT on the video, are you?!"  
  
Cassi shivered. "Ew, no way in (beep). I saw it once, that was enough." **And we might  
add, we had to fast forward that scene, because we couldn't stand watching it.**  
  
"Tell me about it." Deb remarked, walking in the room. "Sorry I'm late. I wanted to chuck   
something at the TV screen when I saw them in the back of that car."  
  
Carter stared in horror. "Oh, that was way more than I needed to know." He groaned. "Now  
I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of my life."  
  
"Yeah, anyways, the video." Cassi cut in. "To get us off this disgusting talk." With this,   
she pushed play on the video.  
  
In the scenes on the video, they showed one of a certain ex-surgeon shoving a dope-  
smoking med student into the hospital, followed by a large helicopter crash, resulting in  
ex-surgeon-pancake. A few more scenes showed a few very not nice remarks from evil  
people *coughPrattcoughFatButtcoughWeavercough* followed by scenes of an ex-  
surgeon's "memorial service" that NOBODY but Lizzie bothered to show up to and the  
two med students that came just to SWIPE THE FOOD!!!!   
  
Cassi stopped the video. "That's quite enough." She remarked. "I think everyone gets the  
point."   
  
The sentence was barely out her mouth when five gunshots hit the television at the same   
time.  
  
Murdoc, Ryan, Carter, Ardeth, and Kovac put their guns away, looking guilty.  
  
"That'll teach us to show a video without taking the guns first." Sven retorted.  
  
"Ohhhhh NOOOOO!!!!! You have shot me!!!!!" The Television cried in agony. "It wasn't  
even MY FAULT!!!!"  
  
Freddy sighed. "Best put him out of his misery." He spoke up, popping his claws and   
shoving them through the front of the screen.  
  
The television resounded by screaming in agony even louder.  
  
"Dor, stop that." Cassi ordered. "We need to figure out what to do."   
  
"Let's kill people." Carter suggested, bouncing again.  
  
"Yes, lets!" Pippin chimed in.   
  
"Dibs on Dorsett!" Deb cried.  
  
"I call Pratt!" Sven yelled.  
  
"Freddy, you can fetch Anspaugh for me while I talk Rob into leaving." Cassi announced.   
  
Freddy grinned. "Any rules?" He asked, excitedly.  
  
"Just don't kill him." Cassi ordered. "Other than that, I don't care."  
  
"Oooo, goodie!" He exclaimed, with an evil grin.  
  
"Can I borrow one of your gloves?" Deb asked Freddy.   
  
"Yeah sure." Freddy answered, handing her the left one. "Just give it back."  
  
"Not a problem." Deb replied, trying out the claws.  
  
Sven walked over to the counter, and retrieved the weapon she'd stashed there. "This one's  
mine!" She called, holding up Jason's machete.  
  
Cassi grabbed the vial of healing elixir from the top of the VCR. "Let's go, gang." She   
told them. "It's time to have another psychotic breakdown!"  
  
**********************************************************************  
FUN FACT: In 1924, Hitler was released from prison, four years early after convincing the  
parole board he's a changed man who won't cause anymore trouble......yeah, we buy it.  
**********************************************************************  
FUN FACT: In the movie "Two Towers" when Eomer's Riders of Rohan surround Aragorn,  
Legolas, and Gimli at the beginning, look REALLY close. The riders are not men, but women  
who have been through makeup and are wearing beards. Got that? Riders of Rohan=  
bearded women.....tells us something about Rohan, don't it?  
**********************************************************************  
  
COOK COUNTY GENERAL ER  
****************************  
At County General, Romano was currently working in Curtain 2 when he heard an audible   
voice that he would know anywhere. He closed his eyes and groaned. Why did they have  
to choose NOW for one of their parties....after they'd PROMISED not to!  
  
At the main doors of the ER, Sven stalked through, waving what could only be Jason's   
machete. Jerry looked at Frank and stared. "That can't be a good sign." Jerry whispered.  
  
Sven, after having watched the guards run screaming, grinned and held the machete high,  
as she began in a sing-song voice. "Oh Pra-att!" She sang out. "Where are you, Pratt?"  
  
"Definitely a bad sign." Frank agreed. "Get Romano."  
  
"Are you under the desk?" Sven called, jumping over the main desk and looking under it.  
"No, you're not under the desk. Where are you, Pratt?"  
  
Before anyone could run for Romano or anyone else, two more figures came through the  
main doors. Deb and Freddy Krueger. Freddy was in his burned look and each of them  
welded an adamantium knife-glove.  
  
"Here Dorsett!" Deb called. "Come out come out where ever you are!"   
  
Freddy stood for a minute, watching the reactions to the patients in the ER, that were now   
running out the doors as fast as they could. His mouth turned to an evil grin. "Look out,  
FAT BOY, FREDDY'S COMING FOR YOU!" He cried out in glee, running off.  
  
"What's going on here?" Sam asked Jerry at the main desk.   
  
"Uh, you better get that kid of yours out of the way." He warned. "They've trashed this  
place before, but they've never come in like that."  
  
"Run for the hills, save yourselves, the Evilauthors are at it again." Abby dead-panned.  
  
"I don't think they're here for some fun this time." Susan remarked, frowning. "This seemes  
not right."   
  
"You're probably right." Frank's chair spoke up. "They're up to no good, I tell you!"  
  
Sam shrieked and jumped away from the chair. Susan just sighed and looked at the dirt-  
blond haired guy near the door. "Nice to see you, too, Dor." She called. "What's going on?"  
  
Dor walked over with a shrug. "They got really really mad and this is their tantrum." He   
explained. "Let's just say you don't wanna see what we saw.....before they blew apart the  
TV."  
  
Sam was now staring at the doorway, where three men had walked in. They were dressed in  
black robes and all three of them sported long hair, and tanned tattooed faces. Her mouth  
dropped open when she realized one of the tattooed men was Luka Kovac. "Who are they?"  
She whispered.  
  
Abby looked up and stared. "Carter?!" She managed to cry.   
  
Carter grinned and pulled the turban off his head. "Hi Abby!" He called. "How you been?"  
  
"Oh my God, look at you guys!" Susan exclaimed. "You look great!" She paused. "Nice  
sword."  
  
"Scimitar." Ardeth, Kovac and Carter corrected.  
  
"Whatever." Susan replied. "What's going on?"  
  
"I'm needing to see Rob right now, and tell Lizzie to get her butt down here as quickly as she  
can." Cassi spoke up behind the desert warriors. "We're watching television in the break  
room."  
  
"Better take make sure they're unarmed first." Pippin remarked, standing with Merry and  
Haldir. He frowned, realizing what he'd just said. "Um, I mean make sure they have no   
weapons." He corrected, remembering that Romano was not happy about puns, even if  
they WERE unintentional.  
  
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Romano snapped from across the room. "What's going on?"  
  
"What makes you think something's going on?" Carter asked, innocently.  
  
Romano gave him a "duh" look and glanced over where Sven was still hunting for Pratt.  
  
"Are you under there?" She called, looking under a lunch cart. "No, you're not under there.  
You're GOOD at this, Pratt."  
  
"Okay, my bad." Carter responded, giving in. "They got pissed off, but I'm not allowed to  
say why. Cassi said she'll tell you."  
  
Romano nodded, rolling his eyes, and looked at Cassi.  
  
"Not until Lizzie gets down here." Cassi stated.  
  
"Figures." Romano muttered, turning back to Carter. "So, Carter....how's the wife?"  
  
Abby's mouth hit the ground. "Wife?!" She managed to get out.  
  
"Yeah, he married Ardeth's sister this last summer." Romano informed her. "I heard he's   
completely joined the Med-jais." **Sorry to the Carbys, but when Carter left for the desert  
last season, he decided to not come back, and he then married Ardeth's sister.**  
  
Carter grinned. "She's pregnant." He announced, proudly.  
  
"Well, you don't waste time, do you?" Romano retorted, with a smirk.  
  
"I don't believe this!" Abby cried. "Why!?"  
  
Carter shrugged. "Because I loved her and she has a great sense of humor." He told her.  
  
"She'd have to if she agreed to marry you." Romano quipped, looking up as Elizabeth   
stepped off the elevator. "Lizzie!" He called out. "You've just walked in on murder and  
meyham!"  
  
"So I've noticed." Elizabeth replied. "Deb and Mr. Krueger just went through the surgical   
floor calling for Dorsett and Donald."  
  
Romano frowned. "Freddy is going after Anspaugh?!" He asked, staring. "Why!?"  
  
The three of them headed for the breakroom, wisely getting as far away from Abby and the  
Med-jai's as possible.  
******************  
  
Inside the lounge, Cassi produced a video tape titled, "ER, Season 10, Vid 2--Death to all  
ER Writters."  
  
Romano eyed the video. "Something tells me this is something bad." He spoke up.  
  
"Yeah, you could say that." Cassi answered, placing the tape into a VCR. "Um, do you  
guys have any weapons?"   
  
Romano cocked an eyebrow. "Oh yeah, it's bad." He remarked. "Dish, Cassi. What horrid,  
evil thing have they done now? They aren't torturing Lizzie this time, are they?"  
  
Cassi frowned, considering. "Well, yeah I guess so." She answered. "They make her do the  
horrizontal mamba in the back of a car....with Dorsett."  
  
"OH UGH!" Elizabeth cried out, covering her mouth and running for the sink.  
  
Romano was making a very disgusted face. "Ew....now I'm gonna have nightmares." He  
snapped. "Thanks loads, Cas."  
  
Elizabeth, now finished losing her lunch, rinsed her mouth out and walked back over to   
to Cassi and Romano. "That is disgusting, and it was not funny!" She grumbled.  
  
"Tell me you were kidding." Romano agreed.  
  
Cassi looked down. "Eh, no. Trust me, Sven and I had to fast forward it." She informed  
them. "That's why we came now. It get's worse." She looked at Romano and held out  
the vial of Healing Elixir. "Guess what, you don't have a choice anymore."  
  
Elizabeth's face turned pale. "No, they can't do that." She whispered.  
  
Cassi motioned to the TV. "You have to see this, because you'll NEVER believe it if you   
don't." She told them, pressing play on the video.  
*********************************************************************  
  
END PART ONE:   
  
Ehhh, sorry to cut it off here, but there will be more murder and meyham to come....headlines  
read, "Elizabeth Corday...the next actress for the movie, 'Carrie'!"  
  
May God have mercy on those in the ER.  
  
Leave your reviews and we'll get the next chap up as soon as possible. Feed back is much  
desired.  
  
Disclaimer.....FunFacts..the ones with the Dates are from a Mad Magazine. "A Mad Look   
At History", and the ones reguarding "Two Towers" came from the DVD Extended  
Edition, off the 4th disc....from the making of the movie. These really happened, if you've  
not seen it yet.  
  
The video.....this is our real video. The one Jeff's been taping ER on....(wide grin) This   
week he's taping MacGyver for us!!! On Jan 2, They're showing Halloween Knights!  
For those who are not MacGyver/Murdoc fans, this is the BEST episode that Murdoc  
is in. Murdoc and Mac working together!...and the memorable snake pit scene. ^_^ A  
must see for all MacGyver fans. Anyways, that concludes the commercial, please review   
now. 


	2. Next Actress for the Movie, Carrie Eliz...

NEW YEARS EVE: Happy New year everyone!!! And for part two, I am very happy to hear about  
all the nice reviews I've recieved on this....especially since not all of you are our regular readers.  
This is most encouraging. Now if only I had a little more time to type today. I don't. I have to  
change some kitty litter boxes, and our church is having its regular New Year's bash, with the  
major bummer that they made all illegal fireworks illegal for real. What? They've been illegal for  
years, but we've set them off anyway. We set one off in front of a cop once. This year, we're   
told they are really cracking down on it, so we'll probably set them off when we get back home.  
It's legal here.  
  
Um, right there was a story we were doing. Romano and Lizzie watch the taped episodes of ER  
that we very much hated.....we did NOT make them watch the one involving Lizzie and Dorkett  
for obvious reasons. I figure they have enough to go insane over. So if any of you saw the  
Med Team Massacares from Jurassic 2 and 3 involving Carter (2) and Romano (3), As you  
can well imagine, Elizabeth Corday is about to pull a "Carrie" so to speak. For the new readers,  
if you've not read The Youth Elixir Incident, Elizabeth Corday's magic talent (as of bringing in  
the Xanth stuff) is Magician-Class, and she's the firestarter. When she gets upset or mad, she   
can literally burn a person into the ground. From the looks of the "Memorial" (can it really be  
called that?) Lizzie was not doing so good. So for her to see all this before it happens, she's   
going to completely lose it, as Romano had told her in the "Jeffery" story that the same writers  
that took his arm, also arranged her daughter's overdose and Mark Greene's death. That didn't  
go over very well for her, and this should be the motivation she needs to get the heck out and  
tell the writers where to stick it. Anyhow, I think that's all I need to explain....oh wait, Romano's  
talent is he cannot be killed. (ironic, huh?) So he and Carter are the only ones immune to   
Corday's talent...(Carter cannot be harmed by magic) --With the exception of Authors and   
Assistants. So, now that all that's over with--on with the tantrum....for other talents, see  
Youth Elixir 1. There's too many to explain.  
  
Responces to reviewers at the end of this chapter.   
*************************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER TWO: "ELIZABETH CORDAY: NEXT ACTRESS FOR THE MOVIE 'CARRIE'"  
***********************************************************************  
WARNING: VIOLENT SCENES AHEAD. Proceed with caution. Due to complete violence,  
we had to push the rating up to R....we try to avoid R rating in most of our work, but I think  
for this one, we can't avoid it. Way too many violent deaths.  
***********************************************************************  
  
In front of the main desk of the ER, Abby was staring at Carter as if he'd come from the moon.  
"I can't believe you ran off and got married!" She cried.  
  
Before Carter could respond, Ardeth pulled him out of the way. "And I cannot believe you  
of all people would not be there when he needed you the most." Ardeth replied through  
clenched teeth. "I was in the middle of a battle when he called me, and I dropped everything  
to get here."  
  
"It was my brother!" Abby argued. "What was I supposed to do, leave him there?!"  
  
"YES!" Carter, Ardeth, and Kovac exclaimed in unison.  
  
Susan rolled her eyes. "Can you guys cut it out?" She interrupted. "This is supposed to be a  
hospital, and we're supposed to be doctors."  
  
Carter raised an eyebrow and motioned to Chairs, which was now empty. "Who are you treating  
now?" He asked, pointedly. "Freddy and Sven scared all the patients away."  
  
"Which was probably a good thing, because THAT doesn't look very good at all." Jerry   
remarked quietly, pointing at the door of the Lounge, where Elizabeth Corday had just come  
out of. Her eyes gave an orangish glow, and she looked--in the best description--pissed as  
[heck].  
  
In a manner of VERY bad timing, this was when the Med Students came in, looking for any   
patients.  
  
*************************************************************************  
Sorry for interrupting, but I have to say this. At this point, I really can't remember the names of  
those idiot Med Students, or that Idiot Resident that was picking on Romano...(when he yelled  
"Get out of my face" really loud....so instead of giving them the honor of looking up their names,  
--they don't deserve it--We'll just call them what they are.--I do remember Neela, and she wasn't  
that bad.  
*************************************************************************  
  
"Hey, what happened to all the patients?" Idiot Med Student 1 asked.  
  
"Um, what's wrong with her?" Idiot Med Student 2 went on, looking at Elizabeth.  
  
Romano and Cassi ran through the Lounge door, after her, but neither made any move to stop  
her. They simply looked at her and looked at each other.  
  
"You do it." Cassi spoke up. "She likes you."  
  
"Uh uh, I'm staying out of the line of fire.....literally." Romano answered. "Besides, it's more fun  
to see her kill people."  
  
Elizabeth's glance rested on the Med Students and a look of raw fury came to her face. Before the  
Med Students knew what was going on, she had set their lab coats on fire. She gave an evil  
grin as she watched them frantically throw the lab coats to the floor, screaming.   
  
At the main desk, everyone was now staring in complete shock. "What were they watching in   
there?" Susan asked Kovac.  
  
Kovac and Carter exchanged a glance, and Carter sighed. "The writers of the show are killing  
Romano by dropping a helicopter on him in the Ambulance Bay....and they were going to make  
Elizabeth sleep with Dorsett, and there was a bunch of things that happened with other people."  
He told her.  
  
Everyone at the desk was now staring at Carter.   
  
"You're not serious." Abby whispered.   
  
"They're killing Romano?" Jerry asked in awe.   
  
Frank shook his head. "That sucks." He muttered. "It means any one of us can be next."  
  
"I'm glad I got out when I did." Luka remarked, thoughtfully.  
  
"Me, too." Carter agreed.  
  
Susan watched Elizabeth set things on fire. The Idiot Med Students were dead already. "So  
is she that messed up over Romano?" She asked, quietly.  
  
Carter shook his head. "There was more to it." He replied. "I think it's the way everyone acted  
after he died. Pratt was making some pretty rotten comments, and we'll just not go into what the  
Med Students were doing."  
  
Over in the corner, Romano and Cassi were watching Elizabeth as the body count climbed to  
7. "When are you planning to stop her?" Cassi asked.  
  
"ME?!" Romano quipped. "I ain't going over there. I have a life."  
  
Cassi rolled her eyes. "She can't get you, and you know it." She retorted, flatly. "You just   
don't want to stop her."  
  
Romano gave a thoughtful look and turned back to Cassi, with a sigh. "Gimme that vial." He  
ordered, throwing the prosthetic hook he hated so much through the lounge window. **This   
is before he got the other arm**  
  
Cassi wordlessly pulled the vial of Healing Elixir out and handed to him. Romano uncapped it  
and looked at it for a minute.  
  
"If symptoms persist for longer than fifteen seconds, let me know, and we'll throw you in the   
river." Cassi quipped.  
  
Romano gave a chuckle. "Interesting concept." He remarked, drinking the contents of the vial.  
*************************************************************************  
  
FUN FACT: In "Two Towers", Merry and Pippin (Dom and Billy) remarked that the people who   
designed Treebeard's hands (they sat on bicycle seats in there) had no concept of men having  
testicles.....and after the scene Merry (Dom) said this: "I'm not sure I had them after the shoot.  
I think they went internal." **You should watch the making of the movie. Pippin was making  
some really interesting faces every time Treebeard's arm jerked, and Merry's response was "I'm  
never going to have children."**  
*************************************************************************  
A/N--Will write more tomorrow, I have 1 hour to change catboxes and get ready to leave for the  
party. Coming up--Romano gives Kerry a left hook....don't you just love puns?  
*************************************************************************  
FUN FACT: It is tomorrow now. Sorry so long...I was setting fireworks off with my two new  
nephews, Connor and Justin....Luv you kids much. Where was I? Ah yes, violence and meyham.  
Shall we continue? Quick note...Romano's symptoms did not persist for longer than ten seconds.  
*************************************************************************  
  
By the time Kerry Weaver got to the ER, the sprinkler system had kicked in and the fire alarm  
was going off. The body count was now up to about ten and Elizabeth was still going. Kerry  
stood at the bottom of the stairs, staring in shock.  
  
"Um, don't you think you should stop her now?" Cassi asked Romano.  
  
Romano eyed the mess. "Hmm, it depends on who she targets next." He answered. "She's   
picked off nearly all the med students, which is actually a good thing. We all saw that idiot  
smoking his dope in the Ambulance Bay. She just saved the lives of a lot of future patients."  
  
"Oh Pra-att!" Sven called, running through the smoke, ignoring the flames. "Where are you,   
Pratt? I am looking to find you! Are you under here?" She asked, looking under the skirt of  
one of the patients that could not get up and run out. "No, you're not under there. You're   
GOOD at this, Pratt!"  
  
"Is this a good time to tell her that Pratt doesn't come on for another ten minutes?" Romano   
whispered to Cassi.  
  
"Nah." Cassi answered, popping a yellow lifesaver into her mouth. "She's having way too much  
fun. Besides, this is a load of fun."  
  
Romano shrugged. "So, tell me..." He spoke up, quietly. "What was the reason for killing me   
off?"  
  
Cassi glared at the thought. "You sure you really wanna know?" She asked.  
  
"That bad huh?" He quipped. "Yeah, let's have it."  
  
"They ran out of material for you, and wanted to focus on some of the younger cast." Cassi   
told him, sounding very disgusted.  
  
Romano made a face. "So.....where do they live?" He remarked after a minute.  
  
"Have no idea." Cassi replied. "And they better hope I never find out."  
  
Romano gave an evil grin. "Yeh, this is why I love hanging around you people." He stated,   
laughing. "Tell me....you got any weapons on you?"  
  
Cassi grinned widely. "Rob, I created The Cat." She replied, handing him a ten inch hunting  
knife with a black and red handle.  
  
"Ooo, nice one." Romano remarked, eyeing the knife. "Where'd you get this?"  
  
Cassi grinned again. "Colorado, but you have to give it back." She warned. "It's my brother  
in law's favorite Christmas present. I gave it to him." **Real knife...looks like Murdoc's**  
  
"Ah, and you borrowed it back." Romano answered, with a nod. "Nice. I think I'll go find some  
med student Lizzie hasn't killed yet."  
  
"Good luck." Cassi retorted, flatly. "I think she's pretty much gotten them all."  
  
Romano's evil grin widened as his eye caught sight of Sam at the main desk and Kerry standing   
at the bottom of the stairs. "I don't think I'll have much of a problem." He told her, heading for  
the main desk, the knife behind his back.  
  
"I've created a monster." Cassi said to herself, pulling a Big Gun from the bag on the floor  
behind her. "Oh where oh where did Freddy take Anspaugh?" She sang softly, heading for the  
stairs.   
  
"What in heaven's name are you people DOING?!" Kerry cried as Cassi passed.  
  
Cassi turned to glare at her. "Throwing a tantrum." She snapped, heading up the stairs. "You  
wouldn't happen to have seen my roasted Assistant, with the sharp claws, by any chance?"  
  
"No." Weaver stated, flatly.  
  
Cassi nodded. "Bummer, he was looking for Anspaugh." She informed her. "By the way, I think  
Rob's looking for you. HEY ROB! KERRY'S OVER HERE!!!" She yelled at the top of her lungs.  
  
Before Romano could turn from where he'd cornered Sam, Elizabeth turned toward Kerry.  
  
"Um, watch her." Cassi whispered to Kerry. "I think she's lost it. She just roasted all the Med  
Students alive."  
  
"What did you DO to her?!" Weaver demanded.  
  
"We predicted the future." Cassi confessed. "She saw it and became Psycho-Lizzie. Watch out,  
she's the fire-starter, you know."  
  
Elizabeth approached Weaver, with a look of pure hatred. "Get the [naughty word here] over   
here you filthy [insert other naughty word here]." Corday spat out.  
  
Romano, having heard this, turned to stare in shock. Sam, using this as a deversion, ran for   
cover, snatching her son in the process.  
  
The action in the ER came to a stand-still as all turned to look at Elizabeth. Even the other  
Assistants that were still in the ER turned to stare. "Somethin' tells me, she's not happy."  
Pippin spoke up, quietly.  
  
"What was your first guess?" Merry asked, sarcastically. "The flames, or the bad words?"  
  
"She does not do this often, does she?" Haldir remarked, watching the reactions of the others.  
  
"Eh, no." Romano cut in, heading for her side. "Get the [heck] out of the way." He  
ordered Neela, who was completely in shock. "Lizzie! Stop it! You can't kill her!"  
  
Elizabeth glared at Kerry, obviously trying to control her talent. "Why not?" She asked,  
bluntly. "She's a filthy back-stabbing, lying [bad word] and you bloody well know it!"  
  
Romano considered this. "Well yeah, that's true, but you still can't kill her." He remarked,  
stepping between Kerry and Elizabeth.  
  
Kerry, now white as a sheet, just stared at the two of them in horror.  
  
"Why?" Elizabeth demanded.  
  
Romano shrugged. "Because....." He began. "Then I couldn't give her......this." He finished,  
his now restored left fist decking her in the cheekbone, knocking her off her feet and into the  
stairs.  
  
Sven came over and eyed Kerry's face, now turning an interesting blue-black with blood dripping  
down her mouth. "Nice left hook." She quipped with a completely straight face.  
  
"By the way, Kerry." He spoke up, causing her to meet his gaze. "I quit. Give my reguards to  
my clone. Lizzie, let's go. You've killed enough people, let's get your daughter out of this place."  
**************************************************************************  
  
END PART TWO: Don't worry folks, there's plenty of violence to come. Just because Lizzie and  
Rob have left does not mean the fun is over. We will add that Elizabeth got as far as the   
Ambulance Bay before she completely broke down and burst into tears, but out of respect for  
her, we'll leave that part out. Everyone needs to have a little time to themself after a psychotic  
breakdown. So Rob will handle it just as she did for him in Jurassic III. The total body count  
for Lizzie Corday's breakdown was 11 people. Mostly Med Students and a couple others who   
just got in the way.   
  
Also....we put out the fire in the ER, as the last thing we need is the fire department coming in  
and ruining the party. However the dead people are still dead. They will all be brought back  
at the end....unfortunately, as we would very much love to just leave them dead.  
  
Review responses:  
Becca! Um...right, I swear you are here.....you're just off somewheres upstairs. Nobody wants  
to die of smoke inhalation....and I really don't care if that's not spelled right. So.....who you wanna  
kill again?  
  
Master of Time and Space: We'll have murder and death to the writers if we ever find out where  
they live....Freddy makes house calls. ^_^  
  
LizzieCordano: Honestly, I haven't watched the show since the "memorial" either. Unless you  
count the many reruns I have on tape. Must watch reruns, must see Romano....before he lost  
all his snapping bite.  
  
Coffee Luv: Ever thought of decaf? (grins) Freddy's not finished yet, believe me. About   
Dorsett....well, Deb called him first. However, we can bring him right back if you want a turn   
at killing him.  
  
shagrat: Hey somebody else loves Hal-Dear! That guy was so cute. I was really not happy  
when he died. We're about to spoof "Two Towers" pretty soon, and Hal becomes an  
Assistant there. We're planning to slaughter it....have you read the first one? Fellowship  
of the Spoof can be found on Sven's page. I believe after we mugged the Witch King and  
played Monkey in the Middle with the Ring, the Wraiths quit....we'll have to get them back  
soon. Dorsett....(grins at the thought) sounds like fun. Everyone wants to kill him. (shivers)  
that guy freaked me out the first time I saw him. We all know that Lizzie would never sleep with  
that jackass. Stupid writers.  
  
Phantom of the Basement: Glad to know you're familiar with our work. Have you reviewed   
before? Trust me, the fun facts will be back....as well as the insanity breaks. It keeps things   
interesting.  
  
Jinx: I agree. They mentioned that their ratings go up when they torture Romano. I wonder  
how those ratings are going to go now that they can't torture him anymore. This has got  
to be their dumbest idea yet. Sucks really. That show used to be so good when Rob was the   
comic relief. Now, well, I don't know. I haven't been watching it. More murder and meyham to  
come rest assured.  
  
That takes care of the responses....please review and I'll get the next section up as soon as   
possible. Later--Cassi & Sven 


	3. I'll only kill you a little at first!

Chapter [checks] three. It's been a while since I got to this thing. However, my reasons are  
some good ones. I'm working on the blankets for my Mexico trip. Missions trip taken every  
year in March. I make the blankets to sell for paying my way. Anyhow, I've gotten a decent  
head -start on them so here I am once again......mostly because Sven insists I come in here  
to proofread Pirates pt 2 so it can be uploaded. She always insists I come in here when she   
finishes something.....otherwise, she doesn't care.   
Where was I? Oh right there was a story here......um, I guess Lizzie and Romano left and we're   
trashing the place....and Kerry is black and blue, and probably has a few cracked bones here   
and there from her impact with the stairs and of course Rob's left hook. I've also heard the  
dope-smoking dude was Morris or something. Was he a Med Student or was he the resident?  
I forget. Did they ever get rid of him? Please someone let me know. I need to know for the   
other story.....unfortunately. See, the Ambulance Bay was wired with cameras by the   
Assassins, so guess who was caught on candid camera smoking his dope?  
  
Okaaay, right....now what did everyone want to do.....Forget it....I'll never remember them all.  
Bare with me here. Rob and Lizzie just left, Pratt comes on in five, so he'll be showing up at   
any time....Cassi is headed upstairs to see how Freddy's doing with Anspaugh, we plan on   
Rob's parrot having one or two cameos and of course you didn't actually think Rob was   
finished in the hospital, did you? Rest assured, he WILL be back. Can't make any promises   
with Elizabeth, we think she's done, but Romano is not the type to just leave like that.....he may  
want a chance to kick Pratt's [rear]. To give you something to look forward to, Romano WILL  
be kicking butt in "Lockdown Conspiracy." As anyone who saw the 7th season train wreck,  
Romano is, or was at one point a Black Belt. Casey is 3rd Degree Black Belt and she's going to  
get a sparring partner as soon as Romano "dies"....so he'll be getting a lot of training, and then--  
Pratt's ass is grass. ^_^ And Rocket's the lawn mower.  
  
Now for this moment, on with the Breaktime spoof at hand......and I promise I am working out  
the details for Lockdown Consp. even as I type this.  
************************************************************************  
FUN FACT: In New York, a fine of 25$ can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically  
prohibits men from "looking at a woman in that way". A second conviction for a crime of this  
magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse blinders" wherever   
and whenever he goes outside for a stroll. (pause) Good thing County General is in Chicago.  
All the male doctors in the building would all have to wear these.  
************************************************************************  
This chapter should stay at a PG13 rating......we hope.  
  
CHAPTER THREE: "I'LL ONLY KILL YOU A LITTLE...AT FIRST"  
*******************************************************  
  
After Romano and Corday had left the hospital, the fires had been put out....although the   
dead people were still dead. Susan had helped Kerry off the floor, and lead her over to a   
gurney to check her injuries.  
  
"Is she breathing?" Pippin asked, standing on tiptoe to look.  
  
Kerry glared at him.   
  
"I think she's alive." Susan quipped, with a small grin, before turning back to Kerry. "I think  
he may have broken your cheekbone." She informed her.  
  
"Look like the wrist is in bad shape, too." Carter spoke up joining Susan. "Possibly from  
hitting the steps."  
  
"Do I even want to know what happened to Robert and Elizabeth?" Kerry managed to ask.  
  
"I don't think you wanna know." Carter answered. "I think he's leaving for good. Cassi got  
him to take the Healing Elixir."  
  
Kerry rolled her eyes. "I think I noticed that." She snapped, wincing.  
  
Susan looked thoughtful. "I think I'll be leaving too." She stated, out of the blue. "Frank's  
right. Any of us could be next."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Kerry asked, as Carter continued checking her wrist.  
  
Pippin hopped up onto a chair next to the gurney, so he could see better. "Romano left  
cause they said he's going to die." He announced.  
  
Kerry's head snapped up. "Really?!" She responded, looking almost happy before she caught  
herself and put on a more sober look. "I mean, how terrible."  
  
Sven, looking for Pratt still, came to a stand-still and stared at Weaver. "Anvil!" She yelled,  
loudly.  
  
Pippin looked up sharply. "Not while I'M standing here!" He shrieked, leaping backwards and  
falling off the chair, to land on his rear.  
  
Carter, seeing this, abandoned Kerry and ran over to Pippin. "Are you okay?" He asked,   
concerned.  
  
"Ow." Pippin groaned, rubbing his backside.   
  
"Are you okay, Pip?" Merry shouted, dashing over.   
  
In a few seconds, Kerry was forgotten and all the nurses and Doctors were surrounding Pippin,  
with the exception of Abby, who was avoiding Carter....and of course the ones who have no  
idea who the heck Pippin is.  
  
Kerry stared at the group surrounding Pippin. "Oh, I don't believe this." She muttered.  
  
Sven gave her a pointed look. "Everyone loves him because he's so adorably cute." She  
informed her. "Back off."  
  
************************************************************************  
FUN FACT: In Texas, it is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.  
**So sit down, and you can empty the bottle.**  
************************************************************************  
FUN FACT: In Florida, men can not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.  
**We don't wanna know**  
************************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, Pratt had just walked through the main doors of the ER, ready for his shift. When  
he saw the mess and the dead Med Students, he stopped short.  
  
Chris Mason had positioned himself next to the metal detectors, for exactly this purpose. "Hey,  
PRATT, how's it been going, PRATT?" He asked loudly. "Nice to see you again, PRATT.  
So, you in for your shift now, PRATT? What time do you start, PRATT?"  
  
"Oh, that's real subtle." Haldir spat out. "What are you trying to do, scare him away?!"  
  
Pratt looked from one to the other, then down at the students on the floor, then he quickly  
turned around and headed out the door.....however, he did not get far. He ran smack into  
Romano, who was headed back into the building.  
  
"Hey! Pratt!" Romano cried, in one of his best moods since the whole mess with his arm   
started. "How've you been? You weren't going somewhere, were you, PRATT?"   
  
"Don't make me beat your [rear] out of my way." Pratt muttered.  
  
Romano raised an eyebrow, and grinned. "And what makes you think I'd let you do that,   
PRATT?" He remarked, slyly, holding his restored left arm up, and flipping the arrogant  
doctor off.  
  
Pratt stared a minute and tried to shove Romano out of the way. Unfortunately for Pratt,   
Steve and Nick grabbed him from behind and proceeded to drag him back inside the building.  
  
Romano gave a disappointed groan, and followed them. "Hey! I wanted to kick his ass first!"  
He cried.  
  
"Hey man, when did you get back?" Chris asked. "And where's your woman?"  
  
"Collecting her daughter." Romano informed him. "I came back to have some more fun before  
I leave."  
  
"Smart." Julian replied, grinning. "I had a feeling you'd be back."  
  
Sven, turning away from Pippin, grinned when she saw the commotion at the door. "THERE  
you are, PRATT!" She exclaimed, triumphantly, waving the machete.  
  
Pratt stared at Sven as she approached, and kicked the two Raptors, yanking his arms free.  
He then took off.   
  
Sven watched and grinned. "Oh goodie. The thrill of the chase." She remarked, skipping off  
after him. "Heeeere Pratt! I am looking to FIND you!"  
  
Romano blinked and shook his head. "I worry about those two sometimes." He commented.  
"Where'd Cassi go?"  
  
Haldir pointed up. "Something about looking for Freddy." He informed him.  
  
Romano nodded. "Ooooh, yes. Let's all torture ol' Fat Butt." He sang out, heading up the  
stairs.  
  
"I know this is a pretty warped thing to say, but he actually looks better than he has in a long  
time." Chuny commented.   
  
"I think he and Elizabeth are planning to move in together." Lucy spoke up next to her. "They  
were saying something like that in the Ambulance Bay."  
  
The nurses stared at her.  
  
"Are you serious?" Haleh asked, shocked.  
  
Lucy nodded. "Believe it or not, those two have been talking a lot more than you think." She  
told them. "I think they'd make a great couple."  
  
Jack nodded in agreement. "Oi've been sayin tha' for a while now." He replied. "Commin'   
Lucy? The's gotta be somethin' decen' to steal around this place."  
  
Lucy grinned. "Lots of people to kill too." She cried, excited. "Let's go."  
  
Haleh watched the two run off together. "Speaking of great couples." She spoke up.  
  
"Oh yeah." Chuny agreed, with a grin.  
************************************************************************  
Jan29  
AN: [guilty grin] ummm, yeah, I got distracted. I got distracted again today cause I've been  
printing out fanfics of Romano/Corday updates....anyways, yeah...I was typing. I think my  
pill wore off. It's flurrying here today, and.....[cassi's eyes widen, remembering something] Oops  
I left S'mores on the roof, and it's dark now. She might be a little cold by now. [rushes off to get  
the cat in]  
Okay....I've prevented myself from having a Siamesecicle on my balcony. That's the weather,  
what about the news? I have no idea what to type, but I've been kicking around ideas that  
include "Son of Sam" and "Toilet-papered Dead Guys". So hopefully, I'll finish this section   
soon.  
*************************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile.....upstairs on the surgical floor............Romano reached the top of the stairs to the  
floor and looked around, trying to figure out where everyone could be. It didn't take long to   
find out. He was nearly run over by Dorsett and Edson.  
  
"Dr. Romano!" Edson cried, almost sounding happy to see him. "You'll never believe what's  
going on he......" He trailed off as he stared at Romano's restored left arm, which he had grabbed  
hold of the banister with to prevent the two surgeons knocking him down the stairs.  
  
"Actually, I do believe it and I was looking for Cassi, Freddy, or Anspaugh." He remarked.  
"Have you seen any of them?"  
  
"Freddy?!" Dorsett spat out. "I saw a lady running through with what looked like his glove,  
but I didn't stop to ask if she'd seen him."  
  
Romano gave a sly grin. "Oh yeah, that's right. I heard you were wanting to sleep with Dr.  
Corday." He replied, thoughfully. "Does your wife know that?"  
  
Dorsett glared at him. "That creature is NOT my wife!" **For those confused, see "Jeffery"--  
the story, not the spider....Dorkett married Maxine the Girl Gremlin at the end of it**  
  
"Funny, that's not what she says." Romano pointed out. "Come on, she's a nice.....girl."  
  
"THERE you are you slimey little schmuck!" Deb called out as she rounded the corner. "Come  
back! I wasn't done slicing you to ribbons yet!"  
  
Dorsett, not being stupid....dispite the evidence proving otherwise, decided running was safer   
than asking questions....unfortunately, he tried running around someone who was working for   
the Evilauthors.   
  
Romano, with an evil grin calmly held his foot out as Dorsett ran for the stairs. Due to the fact  
that the hospital had made sure the gravity bill was paid, poor Dr. Schmuck fell down the stairs.  
Romano looked down after him then looked at Deb. "Oops." He spoke up, looking innocent.  
"What a dreadful accident."  
  
Deb looked down at Dorsett, who was now unconsious due to hitting his head. "That's not  
fair." She told Rob, flatly. "He was mine."  
  
"He wanted to sleep with my woman." Romano quipped. "I had fair right.....besides, he tripped.  
We all saw it. It was an accident."  
  
Edson was now staring at Romano. "And since when is Elizabeth Corday your woman?" He  
demanded, with a smirk. "Does she know this?"  
  
Deb and Romano looked at each other, then back at Edson. "MINE!" They both shouted at   
once.  
  
"I saw him first!" Deb argued.  
  
"No you didn't!" Romano shot back. "I knew him when he was a Med Student!" He paused.  
"And I hated him then, TOO!"  
  
The two of them stared each other down.  
  
"Maybe we could share him." Deb suggested.  
  
Romano frowned, considering this. "Okay." He replied, pulling out the ten inch hunting knife  
Cassi had "borrowed" from her brother-in-law.  
  
Deb grinned and held up the glove with a resounding 'snikt'.   
  
Edson was suddenly wishing he'd run off while they were fighting. Unfortunately, now it was   
too late, as all he could do was back into a wall.  
  
"Heeeere Weasle, Weasle, Weasle....." Romano said in a sing-song voice.  
  
"Do I even want to know what's going on?" Shirley asked behind them.  
  
"No." Romano answered, without turning around.  
  
"We're having a party." Deb replied. "Care to join it?"  
  
Shirley eyed the pair and her gaze shifted to Romano's arm. "Um....no, I was just looking for  
Dr. Corday."  
  
"She went to get her daughter after she created Med Student a la Flambe in the ER." Romano  
informed her.  
  
Deb stared at Romano. "Aww, I always miss the good stuff." She complained.  
  
"Um, can I just go now?" Edson asked.  
  
Romano and Deb turned back to him. "Sure....." Deb answered with an evil grin. "You can go  
lay on a slab in the morgue after we slice you to ribbons!"  
  
As the two descended on the Weasle, Shirley mouthed an 'okaaay' and turned to head for the  
ER.  
*************************************************************************  
  
In the ER, Shirley was met with a very interesting sight. Almost everyone was running in   
every which direction, like chickens with their heads cut off. **And frankly, it wouldn't  
surprise me if there was a few of those as well...remember, Ardeth is still in the hospital.**  
The first thing she saw was Dr. Pratt, running as fast as he could past the stairs.  
  
Shirley blinked and looked after him. A couple seconds later, Sven came skipping after him.  
  
"Oh Pra-att!" She sang out. "I am going to FIND you Pratt! Come BACK! I promise I'll only  
kill you a little at first!"  
  
"If you've just joined us, everyone here is a crazy person." Carter remarked, pointedly.  
  
"I already saw the show upstairs." Shirley remarked, flatly. "I don't need to be told what's   
going on. I just wanted to know one thing. What happened to Dr. Corday and when and  
why did Romano finally sell himself over to the Dark Side?"  
  
"Ah...." Carter began. "Got a few minutes? This may take a while." He informed her as he  
lead her to the lounge.  
*************************************************************************  
End PART THREE!  
  
In case you can't see it coming, the VCR is still in the lounge. Also, Freddy, Anspaugh and  
Cassi are up next with the Evil Trio, who just love hanging around Freddy......Also, as soon  
as Elizabeth retrieves her daughter and leaves her in the Kid Room on the set, she WILL be   
back to also take part in one of the deaths of Dorsett.....who is still alive, but let's face it...  
it's a lot more fun to kill him when he's awake./\  
  
And now/// Cassi responds to the reviewers!//we decided it was easier this way than it was  
to wait till the end, as we never did get the chance to finish the thankyous for the first Youth  
Elixir. There were just way too many, but if you did review it and are bummed about it, we  
apologize. Thankyou to all who revewed it and we really will try to get a thankyou chap up on  
it eventually. Anyways, right....thankyous for this story. I have ADD bad, cut me some slack.  
I get distracted easily.  
  
DEB!!!! (grins) You still get to kill him. Rob just gave him a concussion. Besides, I think he  
desperately needed that, and on top of it, you get two deaths for the price of one and you get  
to be added to the Kill List as killing Dorkett and Edson....although Rob gets credited for Edson  
as well. [pause] [wide grin] send us some comments you'd like to say in the spoofs and you'll  
be in the Peanut Gallery....or wherever you wish to be. I'm sure the characters won't mind you   
joining us.  
  
BECCA!!! You really are here.....we just ain't got to Freddy yet. Next section I hope. Jason,  
however will not be in this one as Sven stole his "large scalpel" to play with Pratt. [thinks]  
Land Mines in the hospital.....new one. Have they been around Murdoc a lot? Murdoc  
tends to carry mines with him--as we all learned in "The Widowmaker."  
  
SilverNcold: About the Pratt line reguarding Romano's death.....why do you think we got so  
ticked off at him to start with? I wanted to pick up the helicopter and hit him with it. However,  
I plan to get some "yah-yah's" out in "The Lockdown Conspiracy". Romano is going to  
kick Pratt's ass royaly....and nobody will even know it's Romano.....but we'll let you figure that  
one out eventually. Casey and him are planning to have a few sparring matches as soon as  
they do something interesting with prosthetics in his arm. Casey=3rd Degree Black Belt and  
Romano=1st Degree Black Belt....but he moves to a 2nd Degree while he's in their custody....  
Casey's a good teacher.....and we won't mention the throwing knives.  
Also....Dorsett will die...a lot in this fic. Too many people lining up to kill him. And Corday as  
I said is coming back soon.  
  
Kekelina!!! Haven't seen you in a while. We missed you. [grins] "Med Students a la Flambe"  
I love that term, don't you? I recently saw the rerun where Coop (that stupid resident) was  
being mean to my Rob. [glares] We're coming back for that guy.   
Your mom has good taste in characters. ^_^ I've seen little bits and pieces of new episodes  
a couple of times. Not enough to know what's going on, but I've heard things. I hear the show  
is not as good because it lacks Romano's sarcasm. That alone is enough to prompt me never  
to watch the show again.  
  
Okay, I think that's it. I look forward to more entertaining reviews as the story progresses, and  
I think I'll start the next section when I finish this/....as the pill I just took just kicked in and I  
just love typing under the influence of painkillers. You never know what's going to happen.  
  
For SilverNcold....and anyone else interested....here's a preview of a future scene in Lockdown  
Conspiracy.  
  
8 inch Assassin's blade flies through the air and strikes the wall between Pratt's legs. Pratt   
stares at it in horror, and Romano comes in/  
  
Romano: (pulls the blade out of the wall with a frown) Case! You MISSED!  
Casey: (charges in) I couldn't have. I never miss!  
Romano: (pointedly) I'm telling you, you missed! (motions for her to look)  
Casey: (examines the hole in the wall between Pratt's legs and looks shocked) Son of a gun.  
I DID miss. (pauses in thought) They must have been smaller than I thought.  
  
The end of your preview.....this is much later in the story....sorry. But I thought you could use  
a few laughs.  
  
Later--Cassi  
  
COMING SOON: The County General Chainsaw Massacre Stay tuned. 


	4. The County General Chainsaw Massacre

Back once again for another chapter of murder and meyham. Part four. As long as  
I continue to get good reviews and encouragement, I'm happy.....like I really need  
encouragment to kill people I don't like. [considers it] No, I really don't....but I do  
need it to type it out, so everybody's happy now.   
  
We left off with......Shirley about to watch Romano-pancake and upstairs, Deb  
and Romano just got rid of Edson.....thank God. What a little Weasle. I've been  
watching reruns of ER that we have on tape.....all the good Romano-episodes.   
I've gotten to hate Edson all over again. So....the story at hand. Edson became  
a bloody mess, and Romano ran off to find Cassi, while Deb waits for Dorsett to  
wake up so she can finish her fun. No fun killing knocked out people. Just takes  
the sport out of it.   
  
So, without much further delay.....  
**************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER FOUR: "THE COUNTY GENERAL CHAINSAW MASSACRE"  
************************************************************  
--We have to back up a ways for this, so Cassi is just catching up to Freddy,  
who has of course found Fat Butt and is having a great time torturing him--  
  
It was an interesting picture to view. Freddy Krueger had Donald "Fat Butt"  
Anspaugh pinned against the wall, his gloved hand poised to strike. Seated on  
a counter, eating popcorn, were Becca, Emmy, Silver, and Mid. They paused   
between bites of popcorn to cheer Freddy on.   
  
"I don't see why Jason couldn't come." Silver complained. "It just isn't the same  
without him."  
  
"Only because you can't try to blow him up." Becca reminded her.  
  
Emmy was seated on the edge of the counter with a flamethrower strapped to her  
back. She was waiting for Murdoc and Ryan, who had gone to Murdoc's car to  
get some extra supplies. They had promised to take her to blow things up.   
  
"Hey Freddy!" Mid called out. "Poke him in the gut! I wanna see how close he is  
to delievery."  
  
The others snorted popcorn, trying to keep from laughing. "Yeah, ask him when  
the triplets are due!" Silver cried, throwing popcorn at them.  
  
Freddy snickered slashing a lengthy cut down the doctor's arm. "You heard them,  
Fatty. When ARE the triplets due?" He asked, slyly.  
  
Anspaugh did not reply. He only glared.  
  
"Just kill him!" Emmy called. "You can tell Cassi it was an accident!"  
  
"Cassi wouldn't believe that for a second." Cassi remarked, flatly as she   
approached. "Shame on you, Emmy."  
  
"Are you sure I can't just kill him a little?" Freddy asked, tracing a claw across  
Anspaugh's throat.  
  
Cassi gave him a flat look. "And how do you 'just kill someone a little?'" She  
retorted.  
  
Freddy shrugged. "Trade secrets?" He responded.  
  
Emmy looked around. "Can I go find Murdoc and Ryan?" She asked. "We were  
gonna blow stuff up."   
  
"Yeah sure." Cassi answered, not turning. "Fat Butt and us have some things to  
discuss."  
  
Silver grinned. "I have some land mines if you want." She suggested, helpfully.  
  
Cassi grinned, and pulled a meat cleaver out of a bag. "Don't worry, I have my  
own plans in mind." She answered, matter-of-factly.  
  
"That's too small." Freddy quipped.  
  
"Any suggestions?" Cassi asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"How about this?" Murdoc put in as he approached, carrying a bag, and  
holding out a chainsaw. "Is this big enough?"  
  
Cassi eyed the chainsaw then looked down at her meat cleaver. "Okay, that'll   
work." She replied, throwing the meat cleaver away, and taking the chainsaw.  
"You guys just go play somewheres."  
  
"No problem." Murdoc answered, pulling out a grenade launcher. "Coming,   
darling?" He asked Emmy.  
  
"Ooo, me too!" Silver cried, excitedly. "I have land mines!"  
  
"Oh good." Murdoc answered as they followed him to the stairs, where Ryan  
was watching Deb torture the now awake and screaming Dr. Dorsett. "Hey Ryan!"  
He called out. "Silver has mines! We don't have to make another trip!"  
  
As the group left, Becca and Mid went skipping down the hall with a couple of  
frying pans. "Time to play." Mid sang out. "Where do you think is a good spot  
to find fleeing masses?"  
  
"We could try the ER." Becca spoke up. "That is if they haven't killed everyone   
there yet.....and we could find what Captain Jack's doing. Probably a little less  
violent than watching Freddy and Cassi play 'County General Chainsaw  
Massacre'."  
  
Mid made a face. "Ew." She responded. "Good point. Let's go."  
  
Romano stopped as he heard this. "Where is the massacre taking place?" He   
asked, eagerly. "I wanna help."  
  
"That way." Becca replied, pointing. "Follow the screams and the chainsaw  
noise."  
  
"You can't miss it." Mid added, as they took off.  
  
Romano gave an evil grin as he heard the chainsaw fire up. "Oh this is gonna  
be fun." He said to himself as he took off toward the noise.  
**************************************************************  
Feb. 21 2004  
AN: a few weeks later//....we were forced to have to get a new computer. All the  
stories and spoofs were trasnfered over to this one, but we had to change fonts  
and stuff.....now all is almost normal and I still don't feel like typing in this. I will  
try to over come writers Block as soon as possible.--Cassi  
**************************************************************  
FUN FACT: In Sarasota, FL, it is illeagal to sing in a public place while attired in a   
swim suit. **So strip naked and you can get away with it.**  
  
FUN FACT 2: In Kentucky, it is illegal to transport an icecream cone in your  
pocket. **Oh darn, we'll have to find some other way to eat it.**  
  
FUN FACT 3: In New Mexico, famales are forbidden to appear unshaven in public.  
**This means they don't get much bearded women here....too bad that law doesn't  
apply for the Riders of Rohan**  
**************************************************************  
  
Downstairs in the Lounge, Shirley was staring at the television screen, open-  
mouthed. Beside her was Susan Lewis, who was equally gaping at the screen.  
  
"They're putting that on television?!" Susan cried. "Oh the humanity!"  
  
"Humanity?!" Lucy Knight demanded. "Sobriki and Freddy are more humane  
that!"  
  
Shirley nodded in agreement. "Tell you what." She replied evenly. "I'm leaving.  
I just need to pack."  
  
"You got a watch?" Susan asked, pointedly.  
  
"Yeah." Lucy answered.  
  
"Time me." Susan shot out as she ran from the room.  
  
Jack blinked. "Well tha' was entertainin'." He spoke up. "Can we rewind i' and   
wa'ch i' again? Maybe slower?"  
  
Lucy stared at him as if he came from the moon. "NO!" She snapped. "I LIKE  
Dr. Romano! He and Elizabeth tried to save my life and he was nice to me when  
I was a med student. Now get looking and see if there's anything to steal around  
here."  
  
"Do you think they 'ave rum?" Jack questioned with a sideways glance.  
  
"I doubt it." Carter answered, leaving the room. "Not many people here drink it."  
He paused. "Then again, you could just ask Abby. She may have some around."  
  
Lucy raised an eyebrow. "I think that was a crack." She remarked, as soon as  
Carter was gone.  
  
"Where's Abby?" Jack went on, completely missing the point. **Let's face it, the  
only thing he heard was that someone may have some rum around.**  
*****************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, upstairs on the surgical floor, Anspaugh was pinned to the wall by a   
series of daggers and knives. Freddy was breaking in the chainsaw by slicing up  
gurneys nearby, and Cassi and Romano were using Fat Butt as a human dart board,  
as they threw scalpels at him. **We'll add that our aim was not at its best this day  
so we keep missing him.....sort'a.**  
  
"Ten Blade." Romano ordered, holding his hand out.  
  
Cassi handed him the ten inch hunting knife.  
  
"I mean the SCALPEL!" He corrected.  
  
"Oh right." Cassi replied, picking up the right one. "You mean the 'Medium Sized   
Sissy Knife.'"  
  
Romano turned to look at her. "You created the Cat, didn't you?" He retorted,  
flatly.  
  
"What was your first guess?" Cassi asked with a grin. **Casey "The Cat" has her  
own pattented names for surgical equipment**  
  
Romano sighed and threw the scalpel with ease. It hit Anspaugh in his arm, just   
barely slicing through the skin.  
  
"Nice shot!" Cassi cried as Anspaugh barely contained his scream. "Anyone ever  
tell you you're good with a scalpel?"  
  
"Well yes, but not quite the same way." Romano admitted. "I think I would have lost  
my medical license if I had done it this way."  
  
Freddy stared at him aghast, turning off the chainsaw for a second. "You actually  
HAVE a medical license?!" He cried in shock. "How?! Wait, don't tell me, you  
killed for it, right?"  
  
"No." Replied Robert with a perfectly straight face. "I never killed anyone for it. I  
hired a hitman."  
  
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Cassi snickered. "How's the chainsaw, Fred?"  
  
Freddy gave his usual evil grin. "I think it's ready to go." He answered, eagerly.  
  
"Hey!" Romano cut in, moving between Anspaugh and Freddy. "I can't let you do  
this, it's not right."  
  
Anspaugh was now staring at Romano in almost relief. Relief that did NOT last long.  
  
"I think it's only fair that I get to take the first shot." Robert insisted, holding  
out his hand. "He's made my life miserable ever since the arm-chop."  
  
Freddy grumbled, doing the Wolvie Pout, and looked at Cassi for some sign of  
intervention.   
  
"Sorry Fred, he's right." Cassi told him. "Rob gets to take the first shot....now hand   
over the chainsaw."  
  
Romano grinned triumphantly at Freddy as if they were two first graders on the play-  
ground and one was in trouble.  
  
"That's not fair!" Freddy spat out, sounding very much like a firstgrader.  
  
"Yes it is." Cassi dead-panned. "However, I'll make it up to you. You can go kill  
Son of Sam downstairs in the ER."  
  
"Son of Sam?!" Freddy asked, doubtfully.  
  
"Blonde nurse." Romano explained. "She has an obnoxious brat that hangs around  
the ER, getting in the way and bothering Luka's clone. He's a pain in the ass."  
  
Freddy grinned. "A child? I get to kill a CHILD?!" He cried, eagerly.   
"YEEEEEEEEEESSSS!! I GET TO KILL A CHILD!!! WHOOPPEEEEE!!!!"  
  
"Eh.....you can go now." Cassi spoke up, staring at him as if he were suddenly  
normal or something.  
  
As Freddy skipped off down the hall celebrating, Romano and Cassi exchanged a  
glance.  
  
"Nutcase." Robert muttered under his breath.  
  
"Oh yeah." Cassi agreed. "So...." She went on, turning back to the big fat guy   
pinned to the wall. "Light meat or dark?"  
  
Romano turned with an evil glare. "I say we take the left arm first." He replied with  
a smirk.  
  
"How original." Cassi retorted.  
  
Down the hallway, where Murdoc and Ryan were with Silver and Emmy, setting up  
a few mines, they heard the loud hysterical screaming.  
  
"Ouch, that sounds like it hurt." Silver spoke up.  
  
Murdoc grinned. "I would figure it did." He answered, smirking. "Almost brings   
back memories."  
  
"Forget the memories and take this to the OR." Ryan ordered, holding out a vomit  
basin full of homemade C4.   
  
Murdoc smiled. "Right away sir." He remarked, taking the basin. "Who's coming   
with?"   
  
Emmy grinned. "That would be me!" She called racing after him, leaving Silver with  
Ryan and the land mines.  
*****************************************************************  
  
End part four!!! I finally finished a section.....cool huh? Um, about the next section....  
uh...yeah, I'm getting there.  
  
For now, please review and give me more motivation......  
  
And of course the responses to the reviewers......  
  
Kekelina! Welcome back....Haven't seen you in a while. Kerry said WHAT?! Ewww,  
Rob wouldn't do that. He would have left the money to Lizzie....or us. Who tampered  
the Will? More mayhem to come! Don't worry about it!  
  
SilverNcold: What can we say? Pippin was more cute. And about Pratt, well, no one  
on our set really knows how to be subtle. In fact, that was about as subtle as we get.  
  
gruffalocrumble: New reviewer! Cool! Glad to hear you're enjoying our insanity.   
Keep coming back because you ain't seen nothin yet!  
  
Huinesoron: *grins* We like bladed weapons. Bladed weapons are fun. We got a  
bit bored just shooting people.  
  
Deb!!! We love you and I got your comments! I haven't been writing much for a   
while. I lost a cat and I've been pretty busy, but I'm working on it. Hope this chapter  
tops the last!  
  
Becca: Laziness must be catching.....everyone has it lately. Next chap =more Freddy  
fun!  
  
TrueRedFan: I've read your fics. Lots of Romano....not bad. I disagreed with a  
couple things in some, but overall, you're pretty good! Glad to hear you're enjoying  
this one, rest assured, the fun is NOT over. Elizabeth is coming back eventually.  
  
Dr Carby: *snicker* Um yeah, big mass-murder....massacres.....been there, done  
that, and probably bought the t-shirt.....or I would have if they'd had one. *yawn*  
kill people....*sigh* Nothing like good old fashioned violence to brighten up  
one's day.  
  
And I think that's all of them. Give me more reviews, love ya lots, and I'll try to get  
the next chapter out faster than this one.  
--Cassi 


	5. One two, Freddy's coming for you!

Back for part five....a lot faster than I've gotten to the other chapters. I've had a horrible   
migrane for the past week, due to some cramps in my neck acc. to the chiropractor. Anyhow  
I am currently on some good drugs and outfitted in my black scrubs and sunglasses.....with  
a nice black bathrobe over this because it's cold in here. The corridor was put in here to  
connect this room with the new section of the house, and it's not all the way insulated yet.  
  
Let's see.....where were we? [looks it up] What? I have a migraine! You expect me to   
remember typing something? Besides, drugs kicked in and I'm in Happy Land right now.  
  
Right....Freddy went after that annoying brat of Sam's...the only time we're letting him kill  
someone under the age of 17, so he'd better enjoy it while it lasts. That's only because we  
all know in real life, that kid would NOT have free run in an ER. I would assume that real  
doctors and nurses are a bit more serious, and don't need some kid running around making   
cracks about the patients. So in our defense in killing him, he has no right to be there   
anyhow.   
  
Also, I would like to take this time to thank my dear friend, Jaclyn for reading this...and  
admitting it. I got your letter, and will answer it as soon as I can.....I've actually gotten   
caught up with the mail recently, so I'm hoping to get a few more answered as soon as I  
can think clearly. For those confused, Jaclyn is one of my closest friends, who happens  
to live in England at the moment, and we've been writting for a couple years now. Jaclyn,  
Love you lots, hope you're doing well and thanx for being such an understanding friend.  
  
Oh yeah, for those interested, I have a new puppy as well now. He's small enough to fit   
in my pocket, [although he's still upstairs] is black and white and is a breed like a Toy  
Poodle, called a "Boston Noodle"......I assume this is a real breed, no matter how weird it  
sounds.....anyways, taking the name under careful consideration, I named him "Macaroni."  
Stop it, I can hear you laughing. For those who think I'm being cruel, his nickname is  
"Macky", and he's the sweetest little thing....now if he'd just quit eating my socks.....  
  
Okay, right, this is a story, not an email. Now that all that is out of the way, Back to the  
tantrum........[cassi pauses to sing with "Fading like a Flower" by Roxette....also on your  
tape, Becca]--For those curious, who don't know me, my fav. group is Roxette, and I have  
all their solo work from the 80's all in swedish...and the first album that never came out   
here. --As of April, the box is sealed and in my mom's room.....if and when my dad gets   
around to mailing it. We'll nag him more. Later..  
********************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER FIVE: "ONE TWO....FREDDY'S COMING FOR YOU..."  
****************************************************  
  
When Becca and Mid reached the ER the first people they ran into were Lucy and CAPTAIN  
Jack [just for you, Becca].....literally. The two of them ran smack into the pair, knocking them  
over, with Becca landing on top of CAPTAIN Jack. "Hey!" Mid exclaimed. "We were   
just looking for you guys!"   
  
Becca grinned down at the pirate. "Nice to bump into you." She drawled out.  
  
"Hey, he's with me!" Lucy argued.  
  
"Not anymore." Becca went on, still staring dreamily down at CAPTAIN Jack.  
  
CAPTAIN Jack, finally managing to get himself out from under her, picked up the frying  
pan she'd dropped. "And wha' were ye plannin' to do wi' this, luv?" He asked, handing  
it back.  
  
"With what?" Becca asked, still staring dreamily at him.  
  
Mid rolled her eyes and elbowed her. "We were hitting people with them...remember?"   
She asked, pointedly. "That's why we came down here."  
  
"I thought we were coming down to find Captain Jack." Becca remarked. "And to get   
away from the chainsaw massacre going on upstairs."  
  
"Who's massacring what?" Lucy asked, staring.  
  
"Cassi, Freddy and Romano are playing with Anspaugh.....and Murdoc gave them a  
chainsaw." Mid informed her.  
  
"Ouch." Julian spoke up from behind them. "I wondered what Cassi had in mind."  
  
"So who are you killing?" Becca asked.  
  
Julian yawned. "Nobody yet." He replied, sounding bored. "That gets a bit stale after   
a while for me. My realitives are a bunch of life sucking wraiths, remember? They maime   
people all the time."  
  
"Forget I asked." Becca murmured. "Where's the rest of the fun?"  
  
"Sven's after Pratt the Rat, who is running around frantically trying to get away from her,  
the Med students got torched by Dr. Corday, who left, I assume....and a few of the other  
doctors and nurses have left the building to pack."  
  
"Pack?" Mid questioned. "Why?"  
  
"They're all leaving." Lucy answered, as if it should have been obvious. "They said   
something about not wanting to be the next victim for the writers to kill off. After all,  
look what they did to me. I would have thought it would have been obvious back then  
that anyone could be next."  
  
"Yeah, but Cassi and Sven weren't around here then." Julian pointed out. "That was  
before they started the spoof-world."  
  
"Seems like so long ago." Lucy remarked. "And I haven't even been on the set that  
long."  
  
"Talk to the Cats." Julian told her. "They've been there since the very beginning." He  
paused. "In fact, I heard Cassi and Sven discussing an award for Misto, Bob, Mungo,  
and Teazer. They're the only ones who have been part of every spoof ever written."  
  
Lucy nodded. "That's right." She admitted. "Mungo and Teazer have been the Medical  
people since the Princess Bride, and that was the second spoof.....how many are we at now?"  
  
"Almost thirty." Julian answered.  
  
CAPTAIN Jack gave an impressed look, and whistled. "Interestin'." He commented.  
  
Before they could reflect on this anymore, they were interruped by Freddy, who came  
dancing down the stairs. "One Two Freddy's coming for you....." He sang out, gleefully.  
  
Becca frowned. "I thought you were helping Cassi and Rob." She put in, drawing Freddy's  
attention.  
  
Freddy grinned wider. "I was, but Romano wanted to do most of the work and Cassi said  
I could kill a child down here." He told them, happily. "You wouldn't know where I can  
find this 'Son of Sam', would you?"  
  
Sven, who had been chasing after Pratt again, skidded to a stop as she heard this. "He was  
put to death." She informed him. "I have the book 'A to Z of Serial Killers'. Trust me, he's  
dead."  
  
"Not THAT one!" Freddy snapped. "The kid! There's a Son of Sam down here. Cassi and  
Rob said so....I get to kill him."  
  
"Oh, him. He's with his mom, I think they're hiding somewheres after Romano tried to kill   
Sam." Sven informed him. "Just look around, I don't think they got out. Our security is  
hard to get past." With this, she went on, continuing her chase.  
*********************************************************************  
THIS SPACE FOR RENT.....  
  
*********************************************************************  
WARNING: Cassi is drinking a bottle of Pepsi, with a Lortab high. BEWARE!!!!  
*********************************************************************  
  
Down in the ER, where Becca and Mid had run off with Lucy and Jack, and Freddy is  
currently looking for "Son of Sam".....who should enter the main doors, but another  
Evil Author. This one was carrying a bag in one hand and a large mounted and stuffed  
Energizer Bunny.  
  
"So, is this the party?" Amanda asked, looking around.  
  
Freddy skidded to a stop as soon as he heard her. "Hey! I know you!" He cried. "You're  
the one with the purple smoke!"  
  
Amanda grinned and held up a bag. "Yep, and I brought some more!" She told him, proudly.  
"Where's Cassi, and when are we going to start Titanic?"  
  
"Cassi's upstairs with Rob, and a chainsaw, currently hacking up ol' Fat Butt." Freddy  
informed her. "I'm down here looking for that little brat that runs around the ER, they  
call the Son of Sam. He's the brat-kid of one of the nurses. Wanna help me kill him? We  
can play with the smoke some more!"  
  
Amanda smiled. "Sounds like fun." She replied. "Where can I put Mr. Bunny here? I   
was bringing him to Cassi for a present."  
  
"Aww, how cute." Freddy stated, appreciativly. "First you shoot him to death, then you  
stuff him. Wait until Anya sees that."  
  
"That should defintely be something." Amanda agreed. "Where can I park him?"  
  
Freddy looked around. "You can always leave him with Jerry at the desk." He suggested.  
"Most of the others have left to pack."  
  
-----------  
  
A few minutes later, with Jerry keeping an eye on the bunny, Freddy and Amanda took off  
to find the little brat, who's name I can't remember for the life of me, but don't really care, as  
he's getting killed anyway.  
  
"By the way!" Amanda remarked as they headed down the hall. "You never said when  
Titanic was starting."  
  
Freddy nodded. "Um.....I think after this mess is done." He answered, frowning. "It's   
supposed to be the one starting after "Spoofed Towers," isn't it?" **This mess is taking  
place just after Spoofed Towers started.....so we're a bit ahead of ourselves here**  
  
"As far as I know." Amanda replied. "Cassi's already sent me the cast sheet." She paused.  
"This is going to be one REALLY big farce." **Features anything from Animaniacs in star  
roles to Gremlin lookouts, to cell phones, insane cameos, a 2003 dime, and sign-up sheets  
posted to reserve places on the life boats...and of course a few people going overboard at  
any time during the spoof...including star roles.**Let's just say Isabelle Corday is Ruth  
Dewitt Bukater.....and a few people suggested we push her off a few times**  
  
"Yes well if Cassi and Sven, along with you, Becca, and anyone else who wishes to make  
suggestions, planning it, I can figure it will be as far from serious as one can possibly get."  
Freddy reminded her, then looked around, sniffing the air. "I smell a child around here!"  
He crowed, triumphantly.  
  
"Wow, are you the REAL Freddy Krueger?!" The young brat in question suddenly asked,  
stepping out from a corner. "I LOVE your movies!"  
  
Freddy grinned widely. "Like taking candy from a baby." He muttered to Amanda, looking  
the boy over while unsheathing the claws on his glove. "Why don't you come over here and  
find out?"  
  
Before the stupid kid could approach the Nightmare demon, his mother reached out and  
grabbed him. "You get away from him!" Sam warned in a low tone.  
  
"Oh, but I have permission to kill him!" Freddy told her with a snicker. "And if I have to  
kill you to get to him, that just makes the party more FUN!"  
  
Amanda grinned as she pulled out a Really Big Gun. "Oooh, yes, let's have a big party!"  
She cried, also holding a handful of purple smoke.  
*********************************************************************  
  
INSANITY BREAK# 14,678,439 Common phrases used by Cassi in a single day--  
  
(to the cat) "Did it ever occur to you that I did NOT put that there just so you could  
SIT on it?!"  
"Macky, I know this is a big shock to you, but the cat litter box is not one of the four  
food groups."  
(to Wertzel) I don't CARE if he looked at you! You have no right to bite him! **my dog takes  
after us**  
(to the puppy after he takes a dump) I don't know who told you that, but it is NOT going to  
jump up and bite you if you don't get away from it right away. [I swear this is true]  
  
And the one that comepletely takes the taco....and proves that I have some really stupid  
cats....I open the door to the small balcony/fire escape, and it is raining out. So the cats  
get ticked off as this means they can't go out...so what do they do? They run to the office,  
where the silding door leads to the upstairs porch....and get told...."I'm pretty sure it's   
raining over there too!" But they're not convinced until I open the door so they can see for  
themselves that yes, it is raining on both sides of the house.  
I worry about my cats sometimes.......True, this is Kansas, but REALLY! My cats have seen  
too much Marx Brothers...."Animal Crackers" Rain on one side of the house, sunshine on  
the other. We now return to the story in progress.......  
*********************************************************************  
End section [checks which chapter this is] um...five.  
  
Now don't yell at me, but all this has been typed for over a month now. I just never got the   
chance to finish it until now. Finish being everything after "We now return you to the   
story in progress." Sorry...but in my defense....I HAVE been sick for a week.  
  
Give your reviews and I'll try to get the next section uploaded when I finish typing it.  
AND NOW....Reviewer Responses.....  
  
tv-crazy: I am SOOOO happy to get a review from you....that way I can say....Where's the  
next chap of "Why Me?" You left off in a rather unpleasant spot....MUST HAVE MORE!!!!  
Right, anyways--glad to hear you're enjoying murder and chaos. It's rather fun. Much more  
to come, and next chap.....we learn what Romano & Corday were discussing in the Ambulance  
Bay. ^_~  
  
Goddess of Snark: I know you, don't I? Are you in the Rocket Sanctuary? You should read  
some of my other work. "Forbidden: The Chase" and Jurassic III also have Freddy and  
Romano....and they're both Assistants to the Author.....and still killing people. ^_^  
  
Becca! When are you going to make up your mind about your Author name? You're   
confusing people. Right, anyhow, you got to land on CAPTAIN Jack and then you got   
to quote him. Happy? [pause] Oh wait, the quoting thing is in the next chapter. Never mind.  
(grins) Also, thanx for the funnies...we used them for the insanity breaks in the next chap!  
  
Janainlane4u: Sven says you can kill Pratt after we put him back together again. (grins) It's   
in the next chap which is finished and will be out sooner than this one.  
  
Amanda! You get to kill Sam. In any way you so wish. It'll be in the chap that comes after the  
chap that comes after this one. And I'll have the beginning of the Zorro spoof sent to you as  
soon as I can for your comments.  
  
I think that's all.....THANK YOU all for your reviews, and I promise I'll get the next chap up  
sooner than this one. 


	6. Return of the Firestarter

Chapter Six.......on Easter Sunday, we were told by Kathy and Jeff that the show really sucks.  
Sandy's dead....and Weaver can't see the baby....HORRAAAAAAY, they're finally torturing  
Weaver for once......why did they have to kill off SANDY?! We actually LIKED Sandy, poor  
soul that she was for dating Weaver in the first place....then we learned that Morris was still  
at the hospital....so much for the future of medicine. The Justice system in this show really  
SUCKS!!!  
Also, we're informed that Lizzie is dating some teacher guy that she practically "threw her-  
self at".....does anyone but us think that is so not Lizzie?! I think it is a safe thing to say,   
that after they said season 10 would be the best yet////and "you won't believe your eyes"//  
Well.....they were half-right. I don't believe my eyes....but I really have to get this one little  
thing out of my system, if you'll allow me to blow off a little steam.....  
  
THIS SEASON SUCKS!!!!!!!!IT'S THE DUMBEST STUPIDEST EXCUSE FOR AN ER  
SEASON THEY'VE EVER HAD!!!!!And I think they should have ended the series LAST  
year to avoid the EMBARASSMENT of this entire STUPID SEASON!!!!  
  
[ahem]...right, now that I've spoken my mind, Rob and I have finished with Anspaugh, who  
is most definitely dead.....[or he's in a world of pain] (pause....my legs hurt...must have drugs  
now...)  
  
Okay, left off at.....Freddy and Amanda VS Sam and "Son of Sam".....Yes, Amanda, you get to  
kill Sam next section! Doesn't that give you a nice warm fuzzy feeling? Deb has nicely coated  
the staircase in Schmuck blood......Here Spike Spike Spike....come and get it!!!! Which also tells  
us not to use the stairs...[you will kill yourself slipping in it--please use the elevators to avoid  
a concussion, broken leg, (and or) broken neck--do have a nice day]  
  
Anyhow, we now return you to the Breaktime Spoof in progress.  
***********************************************************************  
WARNING: Remember children.....playing with matches is dangerous, and only YOU can  
prevent forest fires///providing you don't go camping with Elizabeth Corday.  
***********************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER SIX: "RETURN OF THE FIRESTARTER"  
******************************************  
As Elizabeth re-entered the hospital, after having packed Ella and her things and arranged to  
have them delivered to their new home....[the Raptor Squad volunteered their services] she  
decided to go find Robert and see what he was up to. In the main entry, she coughed on  
something that could only be purple smoke. "I see Amanda's around here." She murmured.  
  
"Yeah, she took off with Krueger." Frank informed her at the main desk. "After she left this  
wonderful stuffed bunny for Cassi."  
  
Elizabeth stared. "Isn't that the Energizer Bunny?" She asked, with a frown.  
  
"Yep." Frank answered, sounding bored. "Apparently, he doesn't just keep going and  
going."  
  
"I knew those people were lying about him." Elizabeth retorted, snickering. "I especially  
like the large bullet hole in his temple."  
  
Frank shrugged, still looking bored out of his mind.  
  
"Do you have any idea where Robert went?" Elizabeth asked, changing the subject.  
  
"After Cassi, don't know where." Frank informed her. "Want me to page him?"  
  
"Yes, please." She replied. "Tell him I'm in the ER, talking with Shirley." She motioned over  
where Shirley was standing outside the lounge with Carter, Ardeth, and Kovac.  
  
"Got it." Frank remarked, watching her leave. This 'bust in and kill everyone' was starting  
to get really boring.  
***********************************************************************  
Random Insanity Break # 4,567,483,792  
[We would like to thank Becca for giving us even more stupid things to put in these things  
just as I was running out.....isn't that wonderful?]  
  
we now present you with....THINGS TO PONDER.....  
  
#1 If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport a "Terminal"? [2 words--"Final Destination"]  
  
#2 How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes the entire box to light the  
campfire? [screw the matches//bring Lizzie]  
  
#3 If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? [now that you   
mention it.....]  
  
AND FINALLY.....#4 Did you know that if you cut the head off a cockroach, it will stay alive  
nine days without its head before it starves to death? [we assume somebody had lots of   
time on their hands, and decided not to ask////we DO however recommend mental help]  
  
--speaking of mental help....see next Insanity break...  
  
We now return you to the Breaktime Spoof in progress.  
***********************************************************************  
WARNING: Lortab+Ray Stevens & Weird Al Yankovic = the mental status of a gum ball.  
[just wanted you to know that....we don't care either.]  
***********************************************************************  
  
Up on the surgical floor, Cassi and Romano walked down the hall, looking mildly bored....as  
Anspaugh was now dead, and no longer any fun to play with. They were now looking for  
something else to do. [I never was known for a long attention span]  
  
"So what do you wanna do now?" Romano asked, swinging the chainsaw.  
  
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Cassi replied, cleaning the blood off the knife with  
what used to be part of Anspaugh's coat.  
  
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Romano repeated, with an evil grin.  
  
"Not to interrupt you, but did you wanna kill Dorset now?" Deb asked, coming up behind   
them.  
  
Romano looked at Cassi and shrugged. "Okay." Cassi answered. "Where'd you leave his  
bloody remains?"  
  
Deb grinned. "On the stairs." She told them. "Watch your step. It got a bit slippy there."  
She lead them over to the main stairway.  
  
"Nicely done." Romano remarked, impressed. "You should see what we did to Anspaugh."  
  
"I heard the chainsaw." Deb replied, with a nod. "Tell you what, we can bring both back  
and switch!"  
  
"Ooo, sounds like fun." Cassi murmured.  
  
Before Romano could answer, his pager went off.   
  
"Now what?" Cassi asked, as he looked at the message.  
  
Romano gave a grin. "Lizzie's back." He answered, in a sinister tone.  
  
"Cool." Deb remarked. "Let's burn the OR!"  
  
"Okay!" Romano and Cassi agreed at the same time.  
  
"I'll take the elevator to the ER." Romano went on. "You both know where the OR is."  
  
Deb and Cassi exchanged a glance, watching him head for the elevators.   
  
"Where is the OR again?" Cassi asked, pointedly. "I've seen the shows, but you NEVER  
know what direction they're all going."  
  
Deb shrugged. "We could always follow the signs along the hallways." She suggested.  
  
Cassi frowned for a moment, considering this. "Nah, that would be too easy." She answered,  
with a grin. "I know just what to do. We'll follow this lovely trail of land mines!"  
  
"Good point." Deb remarked. "Besides, I wouldn't put it past Ryan's group to rearrange the  
signs."  
  
"Very true." Cassi agreed, as both of them headed for the OR.   
***********************************************************************  
Random Insanity Break # 345,327,157,971  
  
MENTAL HOSPITAL ANSWERING MACHINE.....  
  
"Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline."  
~If you are obsessive/compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. [Murdoc, MacGyver, Spike, Romano,  
Cassi, & Freddy]  
~If you are co-depandent, please ask someone to push 2 for you. [Spoofauthor's Aunt-older one]  
~If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, &6. [Gollum & Norman Osbourne]  
~If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can  
trace your call. [Burt Gummer, Becca, & Silver]  
~If you are delusional, press 7, and your call will be tranferred to the Mother Ship. [Mulder,  
our sister Erika,& The Lone Gunmen...except Langly, who became insane at his wedding]  
~If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a voice will tell you which number to push.  
[Chris Mason, Ryan Gaerity, John Carter, Jenny Thornton, our sister Erika, Silver, Emmy,   
and about 90% of our current cast]  
~If you are Maniac-Depressive, it doesn't matter which button you push, no one will answer.  
[Doc Ock, Romano -after the writers were through with him-, Lizzie Corday-see previous,   
John Carter, Abby...and most of the current ER cast*if the writers have their way*]  
~If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696969696. [Our sister Ireyna]  
~If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative  
comes on the line. [Lizzie's med student the martini shaker...Nathan & Pietro/Quicksilver]  
~If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of  
birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name. [Logan Wolverine]  
~If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.  
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.....[The entire set--Only on selective subjects]  
~If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you,  
anyway. [don't have many of those on set, and it makes it worse if we name them]  
  
And one we added for the joy of it...  
~If you are completely insane, don't call us, we can't help you. However, Ravencroft  
Maximum Security Institution Devoted to the Study and Incarceration of the Criminally  
Insane will take you in if you kill someone. *And if you can say that name all in one breath,  
you're good.* [Sven, Fiddles, Ardeth Bay, Prince John, Pippin, Cassi, Becca, Amanda, Dru, The  
Warners, & the rest of the people who read our work]  
  
Now back to our story.....  
***********************************************************************  
WARNING: Due to very bad ouchies, Cassi has been forced to take a second Lortab...well  
half of one more.....this promises to be a REALLY messed up chapter.  
***********************************************************************  
  
When Romano reached the ER, he started coughing, and quickly ducked away from the  
purple smoke in the air. "If I'd have known they were gassing the place, I would have   
brought a mask down." He muttered.  
  
"Amanda and Freddy are playing with Sam and her kid." Chuny explained.  
  
"Did they kill 'em yet?" Romano asked, sounding a bit too eager.  
  
Chuny shrugged. "They said they were gonna play with them first." She paused. "But Sven  
cought up with Pratt."  
  
"Really? Cool, is he dead yet?" Romano asked.  
  
"I think she stabbed him with that machete, and hacked off an arm..." Chuny remarked, trying  
to remember what Lily had told her. "I supposed he's dead, someone mentioned she was  
headed to Kerry's office to write quotes or something."  
  
"Oh the humanity." He retorted flatly. "Did she say where she left him? I wanted to kick his  
ass."  
  
"If you can find it, I'm sure she wouldn't mind you kicking it." Lydia replied, ducking some  
more purple smoke. "There was more than a few pieces."  
  
Romano looked impresseed. "What is it that these people enjoy about dismembering Pratt?"  
He mused. "Must be his charming personality."  
  
"Why not?" Chuny asked with a smirk. "That's why they all wanna kill Dorsett."  
  
"Don't remind me. Deb made a mess of him on the main stair case." Romano told them. "If  
you head upstairs, you may wanna take the elevators. The stairs are a bit slick as you get   
closer to the surgical floor."  
  
Lydia made a face. "Ew, thanks for the warning." She commented, turning around. "I'll get  
someone to put a sign on the stairs."  
  
Chuny gave a thoughtful look. "I have my camera in the nurses lounge, I think I'll go get it."  
She remarked heading that way. "By the way, Elizabeth was looking for you..." She stopped  
a minute. "Speaking of which, are you two moving in together?"  
  
"Where did you hear that one?" Romano asked, frowning.  
  
"Lucy." Chuny informed him. "So dish. Is it true?  
  
"First of all, it's none of your business." Romano snapped. "Second of all, I asked her to   
marry me." He finished with a small grin.  
  
"And?" Chuny prompted.  
  
"She told me to get her a ring and spend more time with Ella." He answered after a moment.  
"But I'm assuming that's close enough to a 'yes.'"  
  
Chuny stared at him in disbelief. "Can I come to the wedding?" She asked, excitedly.  
  
"Wedding?!" Becca interrupted from where she was passing by with Lucy, Sparrow, and  
Mid. "Oooo, I LOVE weddings! Drinks all around!"  
  
"I think you had enough." Mid retorted, smuggly.  
  
Romano shook his head with a flat look. "I got an idea." He told them all. "How's about you  
wait until we decide to have a wedding before you invite yourselves?"  
  
"Can I help her pick out her dress?" Lucy asked, ignoring him. "Can I be a bridesmaid?"  
  
"I think my pager's going off." Romano cut in. "Gotta go now. Later!" He finished, making  
a hasty exit in the direction of the lounge.  
  
"I wonder if she'll let me be a bridesmaid too." Chuny mused. "I have to go tell Lydia, Connie,  
Haleh and Lily."  
  
------------------------------------Meanwhile.......[snicker]  
  
"So, are you going to wear a white dress this time?" Shirley asked Elizabeth, with a grin.  
  
Elizabeth grinned. "That would be so nice." She replied, happily. "At least I don't look like  
a cow this time."  
  
"You didn't look like a cow." Carter spoke up.  
  
"Yes, I did." Elizabeth contradicted, flatly.  
  
"Yes, but you were a beautiful cow." Shirley told her with a completely straight face. "Who's  
the Maid of Honor?" She asked.  
  
Elizabeth smiled. "Actually, I thought about asking either you or Lucy." She answered.  
"What do you think?"  
  
"I think Lucy would be glad to do it." Shirley replied, honestly. "However, I would love to  
be a bridesmaid."  
  
"Your boyfriend's headed this way." Ardeth interrupted. "If you haven't given him an  
answer yet, it may not be a good idea to be planning the wedding already."  
  
"Right, gotta leave him in suspense." Shirley agreed. "His head's big enough without adding  
to it."  
  
"I know, but I love him anyway." Elizabeth said softly as Romano approached the group.  
  
"Lizzie!" He spoke up, with a smile. "Care to help us torch the OR?"  
  
Carter laughed. "Now THAT is the most interesting pick-up line I ever heard." He managed  
to say. "I gotta write that one down."  
  
"I thought you were happily married already." Romano commented.  
  
"I am." Replied Carter. "But Luka isn't."  
  
"I saw the video." Shirley spoke up, changing the subject. "I think I'm leaving too. This   
place sucks."  
  
"Preaching to the choir." Carter retorted, flatly. "I'm glad I got out when I had the chance."  
  
"Me too." Luka remarked with a nod. "The writers of this show aren't going to stop until  
they put us all in the Psycho-ward."  
  
Ardeth frowned. "And the Spoof World doesn't do the same?"   
  
"Whole different kind of psycho." Romano informed him. "There, they don't completely  
destroy your life just for some lousy ratings." [All ER fans that hate this season say AMEN!]  
**Ahem, no, we destroy only their sanity for good reviews....*grin*...and for the sheer joy of  
it!**  
  
Elizabeth shook her head in disgust. "Not to mention sudden personality changes that make  
no sense at all." She added, with a shiver. "No way in [heck] would I ever sleep with that  
arrogant piece of [insert bad word here]."  
  
"Ugh, don't remind me." Romano muttered. "Then again, you'll be happy to know he is  
very dead right now. Deb made a big mess on the stairs with him."  
  
"How big?" Carter asked, interested.  
  
"Chuny went to get her camera and it's been suggested that if you wish to go to the surgical  
floor, either take another stairway, or the elevator to avoid slipping and falling down the  
steps." Romano informed them.  
  
Carter, Ardeth, and Kovac exchanged a glance. "I'm getting the video camera!" Carter cried,  
running off.  
  
Shirley made a face. "I think I'll be going home to pack now." She remarked, making a quick  
exit.  
  
Elizabeth gave a sly grin, as she watched Shirley leave. "So what did the two of you do to  
Donald?" She asked turning back to look at Romano.  
  
He grinned. "You wouldn't recognize him now."   
  
"That bad then?" Elizabeth asked, interested. "So what are you doing now?"  
  
"Torching the OR." Romano answered, seriously. "Would you like to join us?"  
  
Elizabeth grinned. "Only if we can bring Dorset back to life so I can kill him." She told him.  
"And while I'm killing people, where is that weasle, Edson?"  
  
Romano's face broke into a wide grin. "He's in more pieces than Anspaugh is." He informed  
her, proudly. "Deb and I took care of him, but we can bring him back and kill him again, if you  
want to."  
  
The pair headed for the elevators, still talking.  
  
"You know, this would make for the strangest stories to tell Ella about our early dates."  
Elizabeth commented.  
  
"Lizzie, if you told her all this, she'd have nightmares and we'd be spending all our money  
on shrinks." Romano retorted, with a smirk.   
  
"I meant when she's much older." She told him flatly, as they stepped into the elevator.  
  
"Right, what is she, about three now?" Romano mused. "You're right. Let's wait till she's  
five."  
***********************************************************************  
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT......  
  
Sven's book, "Still at Large" by Michael Newton 'Casebook of 20th Century Serial Killers who  
Eluded Justice' [Please don't ask about Sven's choice of reading material] One question we   
just HAD to ask about what was said on one of the cases.....  
  
HOW IN HEAVEN'S NAME DO YOU "NEATLY DISMEMBER" SOMEONE WITH A   
HACK-SAW?!?!"  
  
Ahem...we now return you to the story in progress.....  
************************************************************************  
  
In the OR, Deb was looking around at the explosives set all over the place. "Something tells me  
this may not be a good idea." She pointed out. "You could blow the place sky high."  
  
Cassi grinned. "So we'll wear protective glasses." She announced with a shrug.  
  
Deb frowned. "What did you say was going on downstairs?" She asked.  
  
"Um, Freddy was killing Son of Sam." Cassi replied, studying the vomit basins full of C4.   
  
Deb brightened. "I think I'll go help get rid of Sam." She told her, waving Freddy's glove.  
  
"I think Amanda's taking care of that." Romano announced from the doorway, where he stood   
with Elizabeth.  
  
"Amanda's here?" Cassi asked, surprised.  
  
"Yeah, you invited her." Romano reminded her. "She dropped your dead pink bunny off at the  
desk and went with Freddy."  
  
"Cool, I'll go watch!" Deb decided, dashing out the door.  
  
"I see Ryan was around here." Elizabeth replied, looking around.  
  
"You think?" Cassi asked, seriously.   
  
"Yeah, and if I remember right, aren't Emmy and Silver with them?" Romano mused.  
  
Cassi nodded. "Yeah, that's where all the land mines in the hallway came from." She told him.  
  
"I think that means we'd better torch the place later." Romano suggested. "It may blow the   
place to [heck] where it belongs."  
  
Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. "Really Robert?" She remarked, flatly. "I could have sworn we  
were already there."  
  
"You may be right." Romano admitted. "So now what?"  
  
The three were quiet a minute.  
  
"Dorset and Edson?" Elizabeth spoke up.  
  
Cassi and Romano exchanged a glance. "Okay." They answered in unison.  
*************************************************************************  
RANDOM SPOOFAUTHOR QUOTE # 34,789  
  
SVEN: (about her kitten Orphie) "She just loves playing with that flying mouse toy. So if she  
ever runs into a flying mouse for real, she'll know exactly what to do."  
CASSI: "The flying mouse just saved the life of the Purple Magic Gel Pen."  
ORPHIE: (belches purple feathers) Good Purple Magic Gel Pen!  
*************************************************************************  
  
End section Six.....which was actually longer and completed much faster than the last one.  
Review responses to follow.....(pause) after I proofread Chameleon....YES, I heard you, Sven!  
--Have to connect to respond to reviews....all on the Email--  
  
Coming soon.....The demise of Sam and Son of Sam.....and the deaths of Edson and Dorset....  
AGAIN!!!! [talk about being caught in a rut]  
  
Reviewer Responses......  
  
(this is why it takes so long to update....Are Becca, Deb and Amanda the only ones   
that read this last section?)  
  
Becca....yes we are alive....did you get your box yet? Oh yeah....Orphie didn't eat ALL of the  
pen....we think. It still has a bit of fuzz on it. (grins)  
  
Deb: As you can see, yes...you can go watch Amanda. Don't know how she's going to die  
yet...(hint hint Amanda) And that woman REALLY gets on my nerves...because I don't think  
Romano did anything to her on purpose....think about it. Why would he cop a feel if he can't  
FEEL anything with that hand?! Duh. Besides, what would he want with her anyway? It's  
Lizzie he wants to cop a feel on.  
  
Amanda: Email me about the killing thing soon. It's in the next section. Hopr you like our  
comments reguarding the Energizer Bunny. They made the Mements List. (aren't you proud?)  
  
Now....Let's have a few more reviews!!!! We're killing people you don't like here! We need  
more motivation.....not to mention suggestions. We can always bring back dead people for  
the sheer purpose of killing them again. More fun that way. 


	7. Death to the Nazi Dyke!

Quote taken from the bottom of someone's message on the "Superhero Hype"...Sven   
reads this stuff, not me. I just liked this quote that seems to go with this story.  
  
"Within each of us, ofttimes, there dwells a mighty and raging fury." [And the writers  
of ER just let ours out]  
  
Chapter Seven......Cassi reads reviews.....[glares] reads again. AAAAAAARRRRGGGGG!  
I'M GOING TO KILL HER MYSELF!!!! WHERE IS THAT [insert bad words here] YOU'RE  
TELLING ME SHE CAN'T EVEN SHOW UP TO HIS MEMORIAL, BUT SHE'S ALL   
WILLING TO SPEND THAT SWELL MONEY?!??! I was wrong when I said Romano's   
momorial was the last straw. THAT was the last straw!!! You have my word that Weaver  
will die.....lots of times, and lots of ways! You know I actually felt sorry for her when they  
killed off Sandy....but now.....KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL......  
  
Ahem...I would like to thank Kathy for her opinion in church this morning. That it should  
have been Weaver that was crushed instead of Romano....and Kathy isn't even a Romano  
fan. She says the show sucks and she doesn't believe ER will last another season,   
because this one is flopping miserably. THANK YOU KATHY FOR YOUR   
MOTIVATION....and Kathy has been watching the series since Season One. What does  
this tell you?   
  
I would also like to announce that I finally got my hair dyed recently....so the skunk-  
stripe has returned. Very nicely. The joys of bleach. Anyhow, we now return you to  
the carnage we are continuing to unleash on the place Romano has here-by dubbed  
"Hell on Earth."  
  
WARNING: Cassi has vile temper....and in the company of people who are already  
pretty much psychotic, thanks to the writers of ER, we are dangerous. They're all  
going down!!!   
  
CHAPTER SEVEN: "DEATH TO THE NAZI DYKE!"  
  
Up on the Surgical floor, three psychotic insane people faced off two surgeons that had  
just been brought back to life. Elizabeth grinned, as Dorset's lab-coat smoldered.  
  
Surprised, he quickly shook it off and threw it to the floor, where it burst into flames.  
  
"That is so HOT!" Romano retorted behind her. "Do it again, Lizzie! Set his pants on  
fire!"  
  
"Oh yeah, that one would be just right for him!" Cassi agreed. "Burn it off! It's where  
his brain is anyway!"  
  
"Elizabeth, stop!" Edson yelled. "Would it help if I said I was sorry for all those cracks  
about you?!"  
  
Her gaze turned to the Weasle. "No, not really, but go ahead." She replied, sweetly, as  
she set his lab coat on fire as well.  
  
Edson, not as fast as Dorset, in getting the buring material off, ended up with several  
serious burns on his arm. Both surgeons looked at each other and backed up again.  
  
"Okay, I'll never hit on you again! I SWEAR!" Dorset yelled, now against the wall.  
  
Romano shook his head. "He's lying, Lizzie." He cut in. "Fry him!"  
  
"Hey, you peoples may wanna take a look at this!" Sven interrupted, handing Cassi a   
sheet of paper. "We just got this one in."  
  
Cassi frowned and read the paper, and she suddenly took on a disgusted glare. "Where  
is that Dyke?" She demanded. "I'm going to KILL HER MYSELF!!!"  
  
"What is it?" Romano asked, snatching the paper.  
  
Elizabeth turned away from frying schmucks long enough to see the look on Romano's  
face turn cold. "What?"  
  
Romano handed her the sheet of paper. "How's about we kill Weaver now?" He   
remarked, heading toward the stairs, not caring about the blood that was still all over   
the place.  
  
Elizabeth read the paper and glared. "I KNEW I should have finished her off when I  
had the chance." She muttered. "Let's go."  
  
"Congradulations, boys." Cassi told the two panicked surgeons. "You get to live a bit  
longer." She pulled out her Really Big Gun and headed after Romano, who was already  
joined by Elizabeth.  
  
Edson and Dorset exchanged a glance and breathed a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, their  
relief was short lived, as Sven was now standing in front of them, holding Jason's   
machete. "I'll give you both one head start." She told them with a grin.  
  
The two stared at one another before they both took off in separate directions.  
  
Sven grinned. "Here Schmuck, schmuck, schmuck! Where are you!?" She sang out.  
"Are you under the desk......no, you're not under the desk......"

* * *

FUN FACT: The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its  
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off......[unless you're Weaver,  
then you rip men's heads off just because you can] (or you trash them at their job so  
no one will listen to them and they have no authority over the other doctors at all)....  
What? I said I was obsessive. What more do you want?  
  
FUN FACT: In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is allowed to kill her adulterous husband...  
but she is only allowed to do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, however,  
can be killed in any way desired. [you know if that worked with boyfriends, Chen would  
have it made....does anyone but us think that Pratt was an ass for hitting on all those   
women after Chen left for China?...because her parents were in an accident? How cruel   
is that?]

* * *

Meanwhile, in the ER, Deb and Amanda had decided to share the task of killing Sam.  
Deb had Freddy's left glove, and Amanda was holding two of Murdoc's Assassination  
Knives, and with Sam pinned to a wall, they were sharing the task of multilating her.  
  
"You start at the bottom, I get the top, and we see what kills her first." Amanda  
suggested, with an evil grin.  
  
"Deal." Deb replied.  
  
Behind them, Freddy was having the time of his life with "Son of Sam", by drawing the  
torture out as much as possible.  
  
"Is there a reason as to why you're doing this?" Kovac's clone asked Freddy. "Come on,  
what did the kid do?"  
  
"He was here." Freddy explained, slashing the throat of the Kovac Clone. "Now stay   
out of it."  
  
"A lesson well learned." Deb commented, eyeing the corpse. "You'd think his clone   
would be more smarter."  
  
"Crying shame." Amanda mused, making a lengthy sized slash in Sam's torso.  
  
"This is so fun it's freaky." Deb cried in glee.  
  
"The joys of psychotic insanity." Freddy replied, driving his claw into the boy's leg.  
  
Behind the group, Cassi, Romano and Elizabeth stopped to check out their work. "Nice."  
Romano commented. "Needs more red though."   
  
"Working on it." Freddy answered.   
  
"Thought you guys were busy torching the OR." Deb remarked, frowning.  
  
"We decided to chase Dorset and Edson instead of blowing the hospital up." Cassi  
informed them.  
  
"They dead already?" Amanda asked, confused.  
  
"No." Elizabeth answered, flatly. "Sven gave us a review that said Weaver was all  
bragging about spending Robert's money after he was dead.....so we decided to kill her  
instead."  
  
Deb frowned. "She didn't come to the memorial, but wants to spend his money?!" She  
asked in shock. "That [beep]!"  
  
"Yeah, that's pretty much what we said." Romano retorted, with a glare. "And for the  
record, I would NEVER leave her a red cent, unless I was a raving lunatic....and even then  
I'm not sure I would." [are you taking notes, ER writers?]  
  
"We think someone in the ER writers tampered the Will." Cassi muttered. "We all know  
he'd leave it all to Lizzie."  
  
Elizabeth turned to look at Robert sharply.  
  
"No comment." Romano remarked, looking at the ceiling.  
  
"No offense, but I'd rather not get it that way." Elizabeth told him, bluntly. "I have other  
ways I'd take all your money."  
  
"Thanks....I think." He replied under his breath.  
  
"So....you guys seen Weaver anywhere around here?" Cassi asked, changing the   
subject.  
  
"She was here earlier, and I have no clue where she went." Freddy informed them.  
  
"Don't look at me, I just got here a while ago." Replied Amanda.  
  
Deb shook her head. "Didn't see her when I came down." She added. "You may ask  
your security guards."  
  
The group sighed and left the murdering trio. "So now where do we go?" Elizabeth  
asked, pointedly.  
  
"Who are you looking for?" Haldir interrupted from where he was shooting arrows  
at a med student's charred corpse, with Pippin, Merry, and Julian.  
  
"Nazi Dyke." Cassi answered. "Seen her? We REALLY have to kill her now."  
  
Haldir raised an eyebrow. "What did she do this time?"   
  
"You don't wanna know." Romano told him, flatly. "Have you seen her?"  
  
"You broke her wrist, and her jaw." Pippin piped up. "I think she was going to get a  
cast on her wrist.....or something."  
  
Romano brightened. "She broke something? That's nice....I mean, how terrible." He   
mused, with a smile. "This way."   
  
"Well at least she's in pain now." Elizabeth pointed out.  
  
"Wait." Cassi informed them. "You forget that nobody in this show is immune to torture.  
She's getting too happy with her life. That's dangerous here."  
  
Romano turned sharply. "Are you saying they're killing her off next?" He demanded,  
looking hopeful.  
  
"Sorry, but no." Cassi answered, looking disappointed.   
  
Romano and Elizabeth shook their heads and exchanged a 'Wolvie Pout'. "Bummer."  
Romano muttered under his breath.  
  
"But they are torturing her." Cassi replied, making their looks brighten a bit. "She gets  
a lovely little baby boy, that Sandy has--"  
  
"I pity him already." Elizabeth retorted with a smirk.  
  
"And then Sandy dies in a fire and her family takes the baby." Cassi finished with a grin.  
"Up until that last bit of news, I actually felt sorry for her.....but now....." She glared.  
  
Romano shook his head. "Looks like we're getting out just in time." He remarked, giving  
a disgusted look. "So what's next?"  
  
Cassi shrugged. "Carter came back from the Congo with a pregnant girlfriend, and he's  
getting happy too." She told him, honestly. "They'll probably kill her off next....or she'll  
have a miscarriage, or any number of things."  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "That explains what happened to Mahk." She said softly.  
"So why'd they do Robert in?"  
  
"Cassi already told me that one." Romano informed her. "You're better off not   
knowing."  
  
"Is it as bad as the reason for the first accident?" Asked Elizabeth. The writers were  
sitting around and asked, "Why don't we just cut his arm off?"....and people call US  
insane.  
  
"Pretty much." Cassi answered. "If we tell you, you'll get upset again."  
  
"I'll tell you some other time.....when you're not as upset." Romano assured her.  
  
Elizabeth nodded. "You know, when you think about it, leaving Kerry here is really the  
worst possible thing we can ever do to her." She mused.  
  
"True." Romano agreed. "However, it's also fun to just kill her too."  
  
"Definitely." Cassi replied, evenly. "So of course we can't disappoint the fans, can we?"  
  
"No, we can't do that." Answered Elizabeth. "They've given wonderful reviews all this  
time. How can we not do things just for them?" All the fans say "AMEN!"

* * *

FUN FACT: Those who live by the sword.......get shot by those who don't. [So let that  
be a lesson to you, Zorro!]  
  
RANDOM INSANITY BIT #567,847,364,213,153,249,890...and a half.  
  
In Sven's book, "Jack the Ripper, First American Serial Killer" [pause....again, you really  
don't wanna know] The book goes into a three page discription of exactly what was  
done to the victim in detail.....adding that most of it was done after her throat was slit.  
  
At the end of these three pages of detailed torture, the book goes on to add that "These  
wounds could not have been self inflicted." What in heaven's name was that guy on  
when he made this report? We REALLY thought she'd slit her own throat, nearly  
severing her head, and then did all that mutilation to her own dead body.....See? Even  
in World History, they needed those Yellow Signs just as bad as they do today.  
  
To add to this, they had another one that was just as badly mutilated, in which the  
police surgeon had to go in to "Verify that the victim was dead." [because there may be  
a chance that mutilated corpse might be still alive] After he looked in to see the body was  
undoubtably dead, he then turned around and pinned the yellow sign to the cop's chest,  
and walked off, muttering that the police were idiots. --but that last bit wasn't in the book,  
we just figured it should have been--  
  
--I wonder if they were distant relations to the current flock of Med Students in ER--  
Makes you wonder, don't it? We now return you to our spoof in progress......

* * *

Over near the charred med students, Haldir, Pippin, Merry and Julian had grown tired  
of shooting arrows at dead bodies for target practice. They were now laying on the main  
desk trying to figure out what to do next, while Frank tried to sort out his paperwork from  
under them.  
  
"Maybe we could shoot live people with arrows." Haldir suggested.  
  
"There ain't enough living people to shoot at." Merry informed him bluntly. "Corday  
fried all the Med Students, and the others ran off."  
  
"I'm an Assistant." Pippin spoke up. "I can snap my fingers and bring them back for us."  
  
"I'm an Assistant, too, but even that wouldn't be much of a challenge." Haldir replied,  
with a yawn.   
  
Pippin grinned. "There's four of us." He remarked with a sly grin.  
  
"NO WAY!" Merry retorted with a glare. "I'm never playing that game again!"  
  
"My realitives INVENTED that game." Julian put in. "I know better than to actually  
play it."  
  
Pippin's lower lip stuck out, then he looked over at Frank.  
  
"Don't even look at me." Frank retorted. "I know what that game is about. I ain't   
touchin' it."  
  
Pippin's lip stuck out further and he crossed his arms, staring at the ceiling from where   
he was laying across the front of the Main Desk. "So what do YOU wanna do?" He  
asked the others with a trace of sarcasm. "I'm gettin' bored."  
  
Julian frowned, considering this. "I'm still a Shadowman." He informed them. "There  
must be a billion things in the Shadow World we can bring here."  
  
"If that Jumanji Game is any hint of it, I'll stay away from that." Frank grumbled.  
  
Pippin gave an interested grin. "Like what do you have in mind?" He asked.  
  
Julian shrugged. "Let's see....amusment park rides, dark elves, demon rats, big ugly  
monsters, aliens, pretty much anything you can dream up for a nightmare, it's there."  
He told them.  
  
"Sounds like my kind of PARTY!" Freddy cut in, as he approached.   
  
"Thought you were killin' a kid." Pippin remarked, staring.  
  
Freddy shrugged. "Kid has only so much blood you can shed before he passes out,  
and is no more any fun to torture." He answered, matter of factly. "I finished him off  
and went looking for more fun. I believe Amanda and Deb aren't far behind me. That  
Sam lady is pretty much wasted." He grinned as he changed back to his normal form.  
"So what's up for next?"  
  
Julian gave a sly grin. "First we have to bring all the med students back." He informed  
them. "Then......instead of US playing a game.....THEY play the game, and WE get  
to control the nightmares inside the game." He looked at the others. "Are you game?"  
  
Haldir grinned. "Not bad." He replied, thoughtfully. "We'll have to get Cassi, Romano,  
Elizabeth, Deb, Sven, and Amanda too. Then we have a full team of tormentors."  
  
Freddy gave an eager sinister grin. "And then we can get ALL the people left in the  
hospital.....that we'll have to bring back.....and use them as well. Weaver, Dorsett...."  
  
"Edson.....Pratt.....Anspaugh....." Deb chimed in, as she and Amanda approached.  
  
Amanda smiled. "And we can bring SAM back and kill her AGAIN!!!" She cried, eagerly.  
  
Haldir frowned. "Where did Sparrow, Lucy, and the Evil Four go?"   
  
"Not to mention Ryan, Murdoc, Ardeth, Carter, and Kovac." Pippin continued.

* * *

End Section Seven  
A/N: I apologise to the fans and readers of this story. Everything before this was written  
about two and a half months ago. I haven't been on the computer to type in a LONG time,  
as Sven has been busy with it.....so since she's asleep because she had to go to the vet   
this morning, I decided to come and type.....besides, I had to watch "Freefall" to take notes  
for the Lockdown Conspiracy, and I then had this urge to torture and kill people.  
For those who desperately want Weaver to get her dessert, don't worry. It turns out that  
she will be sued, and The Cat and The Ghost have enough on her to bring her up on   
murder charges and take the Alderman down with her.....remember, they wired that entire  
hospital during the Lockdown......you'd be surprised what got caught on camera.  
  
Right anyway, I'll end this section here and let you give us a few reviews, and of course  
try to get started on the next chap. Thankyou for your patience.   
  
Reviewer responses......(I love these)  
  
webster82: I hope we make up for the disgusting cruelty of Weaver in this. Just wait, we're  
not finished yet. (grin)  
  
DEB!!! Well, you finally got to finish killing Sam.....then we're going to bring her back   
again.....for more fun. Ever get the feeling we're caught in a rutt?  
  
Becca: Um, we just watched Inuasha so far. We're getting to the others. I did finish off  
the other two vids that didn't make it to the last box though. Did you watch Freddy and  
Jason yet?  
  
Amanda: More killing to come....and I'm almost ready to start Titanic...just a few more   
things to research first. We have to be able to point out every little mistake. There was  
already a curse on the ship. It was in one of my Ghost Stories books. details later!!  
  
Phantom of the Basement: I was on your page.....I notice it says "The Cordano Love  
Lounge" under homepage. Lauren, is that you?! You know, you should just continue  
to update the page with all the fanfic from the Rocket Sactuary. Screw the show, they're  
already axing Lizzie. Besides, they're all clones anyhow....and Sven and I are writting a  
big one that seems to fit in with everything that's happened on that stupid show. And in  
our version, Romano wasn't dead. He was in shock and a little worse for wear, but he  
was alive at a hidden compound under protective custody. The show was wrong. We  
can just say Romano and Lizzie got married and lived happily ever after.....as soon as they  
got themselves as far as possible from County General and the EVIL HELICOPTER   
CURSE!!!!  
  
Phantom of the Basement pt 2: Just give us the names of the hitmen and what they're   
doing. (grin)  
  
All for now.....I'll get the next section up ASAP!


End file.
